What is DHs behaviour called when he does this ?

[Thegardenismine]

Other than being a total fuckwit?

Two examples, I mentioned an item he had and commented on it being new out . He then goes into a long speech about how I must remember that he got it over a year ago at XX and he can't believe I've forgotten. I then found out it was only released two weeks ago
I couldn't find an item I swear I put on a shelf, much hunting for said item over a long period, asked him several times if he'd seen it. Then day later he produces it and says I should of put it away properly... he was teaching me a lesson to tidy up.

I should mention he doesn't know I'm preparing to leave him. But I find this behaviour really odd.

There must be a name for it ?

Hmm my mum and I have both fibbed about how long we have had stuff (in my case, a bit pointless because DH wouldn't have minded) but it was learned behaviour and if I had been called out on it I would have held my hands up. Similarly DH once hid my wedding ring whilst a bit drunk to "teach me a lesson" about it being on the table rather than my finger. He put it in a safe place and could thereafter not find it. It's still missing 10 years later. He was very apologetic and bought me a new one though.

However what your DH is doing seems far more sinister. Hiding your glasses is a step too far - that borders on humiliation territory as he is contributing to removing one of your senses. I can see how on their own, and with a different item rather than your glasses, the incidents could be genuinely harmless. But together, and then presenting you with them after knowing you were looking hard for them (and without your glasses to do so) is unpleasant and not what you would do to someone you love.

I'm forever optimistic that my original wedding ring will turn up. I know it's somewhere in the house...

This is really useful

its definitely gaslighting

A few people in my life do this.

To me they are not gaslighting but losing the plot.
Dp does similar, not with things he has bought but when he is recounting history.

The issue is he gets funny looks from people as they know it can’t be true.

Among a whole host of examples he remembers distinctly that I ran over a dog whilst on my driving test.
I ask him how he knows this and he replies that he was there. He was sat in the back seat.
To which everyone just ends up laughing at him.

He says I am a huge drinker who eats loads of chocolate and loves a good West End musical.

I am tee total, I am allergic to chocolate and I prefer a film with guns and car chases.

My mother was convinced that I smoked. Convinced all my friends that I was a secret smoker so for my 21st birthday I received ashtrays from everyone.

I have never smoked in my life.

@Racmactac interesting! And very apt thank you

@Oliversmumsarmy geez yeah they are not losing the plot, they're trying to make you lose the plot.

howlongcanausernamebebeforeits

So everyone who misremembers something is actually gaslighting and being abusive.

One woman I know swears blind Dp and I are married. Even knows the date of our wedding because she attended it. Even goes as far as telling us she had the invitation somewhere.

Are you saying she is gaslighting us or is the other explanation that she has dementia a reasonable explanation

Maybe gaslighting doesn’t work on me because I end up laughing at the ludicrous statements.

@Oliversmumsarmy your dp is misremembering you being a huge drinker? Even though you don't drink and presumably you're together regularly so being a 'huge drinker' is something he would regularly 'misremember' you not doing?

Or are you saying your dp has dementia?

I have no idea but he has always been like this.

I am sure he mistakes dreams for real life.

Even today he cannot get his mind round the fact I didn’t run over a dog in my driving test and he couldn’t have been in the car because I don’t think the examiner would have been too pleased to have Dp accompanying us on my test.
That story has been going on for 30 years

Even the dc think he lives in a parallel universe.