How can I ever feel like I'm "good enough" to be in a relationship?

[GraceMarks]

I've been single for many years and I'm getting a bit tired of it. I'd like to seek someone to be with, but I have such low self-esteem that I always manage to talk myself out of even trying.

For example, I was coming out of my flat today when I saw a man sitting on some steps a bit further down the road, sketching the buildings opposite. He was exactly my type and I was trying to work up the courage to go and talk to him, but then my horrible internal monologue started up. He's probably married, and even if he isn't, he won't be interested in a fat, middle aged woman who hasn't even bothered to put any make up on. I just walked straight past him with my head down in the end, didn't even say hello...

The same thing happens when I try OLD. I give up when I see what I look like in my profile picture!

How can I get some more confidence in myself when the dating scene seems so looks-orientated?

@GraceMarks - you have to kiss at lot of frogs to meet your Prince! There is someone for everyone. Cliches. It sounds like you have your radar set. Got for it!

Take some time over the weekend, try on all your summer clothes and asses them honestly, if you are happy with how they look. The same with makeup. Honest assessment time. Maybe refresh your look a little.
It should help with confidence if you KNOW you look good.

I admire your optimism. I am middle aged, been single a couple of years and have decided there are too many frogs to make it worth the risk .

I think your issue is how you view yourself

This is you, this is the case your soul lives in. This is the tool you are going to live your life in. Cherish it, learn to love it. Don't waste more time feeling negative about it - what a waste of energy

I think if you feel fat and plain - do something about it. Lose 7lbs and put on a bit of mascara and eyebrows in the morning.

Also look around you. The streets are not full of "beautiful" couples. They're full of normal average varying in looks couples. From observing this myself, I noted that people are not as shallow as they appear.

You're not everyone's type, neither am I, neither is anyone on this forum.

There will be enough men out there who love your face, love your body and that's their taste. There will also be enough men out there who find you attractive but care to find out about you too.

Also, don't wish yourself to be exceptionally attractive. Those girls rarely know who actually likes them for them. I am average looking and I cried many nights as many men just wanted sex. I am fortunate to be with a loving patient man, who many consider considerably less attractive than me. I am not his type, (he likes tall slim and leggy) and he isn't mine but we work.

Check out Matthew Hussey on youtube - get yourself in an achieving mind frame xx

This is you, this is the case your soul lives in. This is the tool you are going to live your life in. Cherish it, learn to love it. Don't waste more time feeling negative about it - what a waste of energy

What a lovely way of putting it, Topsy. I felt terrible about myself a few years back, but i "faked myself" to start with, in that i started going to the gym at lunchtime, i wore clothes that gave me a bit of shape rather than baggy sacks that hid everything, i wore a bit more make-up. It felt shallow and weird at first - and tbh i thought people would laugh at me for being "that fat bird trying to make an effort". But...they don't. They smile back when you smile at them. Deep down, almost everyone is worried that other people wont like them.

Knowing that you look nice makes you happy. Being happy makes other people like you. When you hold your head up, look interested in things, and smile, people will look at you and see a woman they would like to chat to.

I think you sound absolutely lovely - so why not let that case for your soul be lovely as well?

I was in the supermarket yesterday and a girl at the checkout was crossing her hands across her stomach self consciously. I didn’t notice anything with her stomach, I noticed her beautiful face. My point is (most people) when they look at new people don’t see the flaws they see the beautiful things about a person first (mostly). And if they don’t those people are not your people. I’ve only just turned 40, and only recently started to feel more confident about myself and not worry so much about what other people think of my flaws. Normally the person we are hardest on is ourselves. We judge ourself the hardest. Like topsy so beautifully said, your body is just the vessel. What’s really beautiful is the person on the inside.