I've been with my DP for 3 years now. We don't live together, no kids together, both happy to keep it that way. I have one DS (8), they know each other and like each other but I tend to see DP 3 nights a week when DS is at his dad's and keep my time with DS just us two. DP doesn't have any kids. Not sure if any if that is relevant but just some background.
I feel like I am starting to go slowly insane by being with DP and I don't know if I am too needy and need to work on that or if he is the problem. He was the most perfect man I had ever met for the first year of our relationship but now he is a totally different person.
There is absolutely no affection in this relationship unless I initiate it and even then he will usually push me away. Evenings are spent on separate couches, he won't entertain the idea of cuddling up on the same one, not even for 5 minutes. If I kiss him he usually wipes his mouth after and it's basically a peck, never a proper kiss - if he kisses me first (rarely) it's a peck on the cheek. Sex is maybe once a week/fortnight if I'm lucky and it is unbelievabley bland, boring and over in a few minutes. No foreplay, no different positions, no kissing, no cuddling afterwards. I have completely lost all confidence in that department now. Anytime I attempt anything sexual with him he shuts me down, I don't have it in me to try anymore. I sleep in the spare room at his because apparently I snore/breathe loudly (first person in my 25 years to tell me this). The other night at his I went to give him a goodnight kiss and he lurched away from me and told me not to touch him because he apparently 'didn't feel well'. The following morning I heard he was awake so got into bed beside him, naked. He jumped straight out of bed and didn't come back - this time he needed coffee. When I was going home he gave me the tiniest peck on the cheek, the kind I give my granny! I tried to give him a proper kiss and he basically shoved me away and wiped his mouth. He used to call/text me fairly regularly, now he never does. If I call him he acts like I'm an inconvenience.
He says some very nasty things to me now which he never did before. I can't even remember the words the last time, we were in company and I just remember how shocked they were at what he said and how small it made me feel. I could feel my eyes filling with tears at the embarrassment. He just laughed it off as a joke. It's like every so often a darker, nastier side of him gets out but he quickly locks it away again.
When this all began I figured he wasn't interested in me anymore or had met someone else so I tried to end it. He was devastated and assured me he would change. Nothing changed. Now if I try to speak to him about it he just makes out that he loves me, I'm crazy and it's all in my head or I'm too high maintenance/needy. I can cope with minimal sex but the constant pushing me away and lack of affection has crushed my confidence. On top of that I just feel so incredibly lonely, I don't think I would even feel this lonely if I was single.
I fight with myself about ending it, convince myself he doesnt want to be with me and then he'll do something nice out of the blue and all is fine for a few hours, if I'm lucky, before I'm so confused again. As an example, he surpised me with a very expensive gift on Friday that he had to completely go out of his way to get and knew I would love it. Then spent that evening and the next morning pushing me away. I just dont understand anymore. To me our relationship feels like friends more than lovers but I don't know if I just expect too much .