Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Do I become a single parent.

10 replies

amsr02 · 18/07/2007 20:40

I've just had my forth child 11 weeks ago. I knew I wanted a big family but my partner didnt so he went for the snip two months ago. Knowing I wanted more children he still went a head with it. We came to an agreement that we would try after the snip but nothing has happened so now Im obviously heart broken that the chance of anymore children with the same father is no longer a option. I feel our relationship is breaking down, not just because of this but other reasons as well its not the best situation to bring the children up in but I always thought I would be with and marry the man I had my children with. I just feel very guilt and feel like I am selfish in some ways and more guilty I would become a single mum

OP posts:

suezee · 18/07/2007 20:43

can u not ask him to have it reversed???????????

HorribleHorace · 18/07/2007 20:50

sorry if personal but just trying to understand the situation better. Is this man the father of all four of your children and how long have you been together?

4 is quite a large family already in my opinion!

Original poster

amsr02 · 18/07/2007 21:57

I have already asked for him to reverse it but it will cost 3 grand and hes not willing to do it. He is the father to all four. Where I live 4 is an average family their are at least 6 familys I know of with for children it doesnt seem to be an issue but I can see how 4 can be seen as large family, but I love having them and the thought of having a large family makes me happy

OP posts:

hurtwife · 19/07/2007 07:44

It sounds as though your family is still quite young. I have 4 but with a big age gap (4th was a surprize). I find it very hard and although i know i could cope with them on my own would not want to.

It does not get eaier as they get older either - the problems just change. I have a teenager who just mooches around and a 3 year old who is so demanding and i feel someitmes i am not the best for all of them.

Days out are difficult as are holidays. Although it is nice to have a large family and my children all say they want to have lots (not sure they will convince their poor wives!!) it is also very hard work.

Could you not concentrate on the ones you have now and give them the best possible time. None of us knows what the future brings so enjoy the children you have now. There are more important things to worry about than the sheer number you produce.

BandofMuggles · 19/07/2007 07:52

Don't you have to take his feelings into account too?
Couldn't you play it out until your youngest is say, 2 yo and see how you feel. You may find that 4 is enough to cope with after a couple of years. He has to live with them too tho and maybe he couldn't cope with more than 4. He would perhaps not be the best parent if he felt he couldn't cope , IYSWIM.

nappyaddict · 19/07/2007 08:00

what sort of age gap have you got? it's not saying that in a few years if you've got young children and they've gotten a bit older he wouldn't want another and get it reversed.

Rosetip · 19/07/2007 08:56

Is it anything to do with the sex of the children- i.e do you have four of the same and want the other sex?

Anniegetyourgun · 19/07/2007 09:16

Er what, you had a child 11 weeks ago and are panicking because you haven't already conceived again (with a man who's been sterilised)?

Mm, bit early to be making drastic decisions on that basis I think.

Original poster

amsr02 · 19/07/2007 19:11

Iv got three boys and one girl. Its hard to explain why I would like more children but Im a good mum to the ones Ive got but would love the chance to do the same again.

OP posts:

purplepoppet · 19/07/2007 19:30

I think you're incredibly bless to have 4 healthy children. As other's have said, maybe your husband feels 4 is plenty to cope with...to be honest, there's alot of men & also women who couldn't even imagine having more than 2, so it sounds like he's been very accommodating already.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not dismissing your feelings about this at all and I realise for us women, sometimes it's very hard to accept the fact that we won't be having more children iykwim...I have 3 and have been tempted to have another, but I realise that if I had another one I would probably just want one more, and so on and so on, therefore I have realised that for the sake of myself and my children I need to stop somewhere. I figured its better to give the 3 I've got as much as I possibliy can rather than having more to have to share my time & money between. If that makes any sense? Sorry, I'm rambling.

It seems a bit drastic to end your marriage over, maybe you need to sit down with your husband and both do a bit of soul searching...so you can both understand why you desperately want more children and why he doesn't.

Flip