If you never felt you'd meet the right one, where did you end up meeting? Why is it taking me this long?

[user6hty]

I've been online dating (in between a couple of relationships) for 5 years.

those two relatioships lasted 18 months ish each.

I cant seem to find the right one and coming up to 34 I feel like I never will. am I doing something wrong? I have been asked out tonight but not sure if I fancy them and to be quite honest I don't know if I have it in me to get ready for a date again only to feel deflated again afterwards!

I haven't been on a date in a couple of months but before that I went on maybe 8 dates since January and met a couple of them more than once. I just lose interest!

Hi OP, I can't really answer that as I thought I had met the one and then we split after 17 years. So, does that mean someone else is 'the one'. Is there even such a thing?
My best friend has only just met her first serious boyfriend at 42 so I think it just happens later for some people.
You often find more change of people splitting when they meet young so perhaps when you do meet him it will last the distance.
There is no rhyme or reason to all this but you're putting yourself out there which is the right thing to do.
Go on that date!

thanks for your post :) Im not sure I believe in the "one" but it would be nice to find "a" one that I can have a meaningful relationship with! I sometimes feel like theres something wrong with me. people seem to fall into new relationships so easily.

I met my DP on Tinder. We've been together 5 years and have a baby on the way. The reason I think it worked is that he wasnt what I'd normally go for as he has a son from a previous relationship. I was 25 when I met him and would never have wanted to go for someone like that normally. However, when I met him we just clicked and coupled with the fact that he was mature, sensible and a clearly loving dad made me want to make it work. Fingers crossed for you xx

Hi OP its true some people seem to fall into new relationships easily. I have to admit I used to be one of these people but it was always easier back in my 20s. I'm not finding it quite so easy now as most people don't meet socially now, its all online.
There is NOTHING wrong with you at all. It just hasn't happened for you yet and probably because you have high standards which is not a bad thing at all. Many people will have had several awful relationships by your age - I think your situation is probably preferable to that.

Sometimes life throws you someone who you think is the right one but even they can be a disappointment. Does the right one even exist? And just because they're right for you now, doesn't mean they will be right for you 10 years down the line.

My DH was the same as you until 39, then met me and got the wife and then the children he had come to believe he would never have. Think he’s still in shock all these years later lol.
Have a think if maybe you are going for the wrong type of person - my DH was having dates with any woman but actually he needed a geeky nerdy woman like me to fully appreciate his lovely decency under his geeky nerdiness - other women just saw the geek not the person.

And just because they're right for you now, doesn't mean they will be right for you 10 years down the line

So, so true. A trawl of the boards here will show you how many people stay in relationships long past there sell by date.

You’re going out with people hoping they’ll be ‘the one’ and then getting disappointed when it turns out they’re not. Your ultimate goal is to have a specific kind of relationship and it’s putting pressure on you and them (perhaps without their knowledge) to perform, you are making dating a box-ticking exercise.

Why not try to go out with the intention of simply enjoying someone’s company and having a nice time on that one occasion, then maybe on another occasion but without an agenda, no timetable or end goal in mind? Just see where it takes you. I think a lot of people find ‘the one’ (or rather one of many potential ones) when they least expect it not when they’re actively looking.

I had gone from an abusive relationship to a ‘healing’ one that lasted a year. The man I was with in the latter was a lovely man and we both needed each other for that short space of time and it ended mutually (we’re still good friends).

After the mutual breakup - I had decided not to bother dating for a while, to focus on being single and enjoying myself as I had wasted my late teens and early to mid-twenties on the abusive dick I had to run away from (who not only left me with emotional and physical trauma but boned my finances as well).

A friend I worked with asked me 3 months (ish) after this decision whether I would deliberately remain single or if I met the right kind of man (or woman as I’m Bi) would I consider a relationship? I said I’d consider it.

She had a man in mind at the time, I didn’t know it and she played enthusiastic match maker for us. When she finally introduced us to each other, on a lunch break at work - he thought I was the typical ‘fat’ friend (I was very overweight at the time) but when he finally admitted this to me I laughed and said well I saw how skinny he was and thought I’d probably break him as I was NOT into skinny men...

But during the short first meeting I realised he had a very sexy voice which was something and I liked that whenever he smiled it genuinely reached his eyes every time.

He liked that I had a good sense of humour and liked my boobs (he is only a man after all haha).

Suffice to say there was no immediate spark in attraction... we still went out for drinks later that week as I thought maybe I’d get a new friend out of it - he thought the same too.

Then we clicked after talking for hours about all sorts of random crap and the attraction grew from there, as we’re both people that find a personality far more important when it comes to attraction then the physical attraction grows - and it did!

He’s now my DH and we’ve been together a fair bit of time and have two lovely DC together, so yeah, not exactly romantic but it happened for me when I wasn’t even looking, which sounds like a cliche I know but there we have it

I don't know, I'm 42 & whenever I meet a man who seems right for me they always turn out to be married, a player or not interested.

The men who have liked me are men I usually don't find that attractive.

So I can't offer any advice I'm afraid!!