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Relationships

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I love him BUT...

7 replies

FrequentNCing · 11/05/2019 21:40

NC just because I do occasionally.

I've been with DP for a little over two years and I love him so much but...

And that's it's, there's always a but.

I feel like I constantly want to pick at stuff and nag.

He doesn't wash up unless reminded several times.
We spend a lot of time together but so much is sat on phones or deciding what to watch on tv.
Sex is great but infrequent and quick.
He's a terrible communicator until I get really wound up/cross/upset.
Money is tight for both of us (neither of us are great with money anyway) but his always seems to disappear very quickly and so we can't do anything together unless I pay for both of us. He's happy not to really do anything and is always grateful if I insist and pay.

I could list more but he also has his good (great!) points.

He's smart and funny and kind and loves me a lot but...

I constantly second guess myself (due to low self esteem and previous relationship struggles) so I can't see clearly enough to know if I'm a) trying to self sabotage a decent relationship. b) clinging on to something that actually should've died a while ago. Or c) expecting perfection when I (we) just need to work at it

OP posts:
HypatiaCade · 11/05/2019 21:44

Sounds like a lovely friend, but a shit partner. You deserve far more in a partner than what he can offer.

kayvade · 11/05/2019 21:49

It doesnt sound that good. :-/

FrequentNCing · 11/05/2019 21:51

Urgh! I did have that thought. And then I tried to think about how I'd feel if he met someone else. I'd be heartbroken and furiously jealous.

I'm worried that it's all or nothing but the nothing option makes me so sad.

The all option makes me feel like I'm signing up for a lifetime of resentment.

I have tried talking to him but it's the typical everything gets better for a few days and then slips back to how it was so I feel like I'm nagging bringing it all up again. And it feels like I'm criticising so much. Am I just expecting him to completely change for me?

OP posts:
kayvade · 11/05/2019 21:57

Focus on how you feel. Dont try and be judge and jury on him and his character because it is all about how the dynamic between you makes you feel and it sounds like that might be Resentful.

category12 · 11/05/2019 22:10

It sounds really dull.

How is sex great if it's "infrequent and quick"?

Two years in, this is as good as it gets.

FrequentNCing · 11/05/2019 22:18

Ok so the sex bit...
foreplay is great and I pretty much always orgasm from that but I actually also really enjoy PIV and that's what's quick.

There definitely resentment. Every time I feel like I'm done and I'm going to end it he somehow reminds me of how much I love him and I feel like it's worth working at. I don't feel like this is deliberate, like he knows I'm thinking of leaving so ups his game or anything. It's just random little things that I can't even think of now. He'll say something that will make me 'swoon' all over again or he'll surprise me with a random small gift that he saw and made him think of me. That's when I start to feel like maybe I'm being really unappreciative and focusing on the wrong things

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 11/05/2019 22:34

OP if this is only after 2 years then what do you imagine it will be like after 10?

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