Hurting, Lost, Let down ... Cocaine Addict Ex...

[Flowersintherainandsun]

Just that really .... Kept going out on Coke binges, coming home at 5-6am with no contact from 2-3pm previous day! A complete mess for days after, poor hygiene, no regard whatsoever for me, would never take me out, yet I've broke it off, he couldn't care less and I'm in absolute tatters! Broken hearted and pining for this waste of space!?! Why?!?! ....

Fuck knows. As the father of daughters this sort of thing has always kept me awake at nights.

Charisma.
Some of the most unsuitable men have it.

The good news is some suitable men do too

5 days no contact and my heart is absolutely shattered!! ... Even I know he's a 'wrong Un' ... He's not tried to get in touch, apologised, NOTHING! ... I'm such a fool! I'd never ever get mixed up with a person like this normally, but he's completely got a hold of me! ... I hope in time I can let go of these feelings.

My ex is a cocaine addict too... I do believe him when he said he was clean when we 1st started dating last year but I've known him for a few years so I'm also 95% sure he relapsed around the time we split up due to a stressful job because he is a different person when using. So emotionless & unthoughtful a real arsehole. I always knew he used but didn't know to what extent almost lost his house because he'd rather spend his salary on drugs than pay his mortgage.. I stood by him, defended him to my friends, I really thought he had changed & it was behind him. The addiction obviously runs deeper than that.. too deep for me to deal with.. I don't want my DC's exposed to that life. I loved him so much & probably always will but he needs to sort himself out, if he makes old bones which I've always doubted he will he'll be a very lonely old man.

No contact now for nearly 3 months & I'm just starting to feel ok ... you will too x

Remember he’ll never change and leave him be someone else’s problem he’ll either end up broke with nobody or dead from a heart attack unfortunately. My cousins partner was the same him not coming home and not being able to get hold of him apparently he used to tell her he would just drive around taking coke or go to a friends house and take coke with them. He’s been the same the last 6 years. She takes him back everytime and he’s never changed.
His loss. Start your new life now he would of only brought you down and made you miserable.

I had one like this once. It wasnt coke, but something equally incompatible with caring for yourself or others.

Chemistry and charisma as a PP said. Can be a very very powerful pull, even if you know they are no good at all.

I also have a friend now with addiction problems and he is totally incapable of sustaining a relationship, because his primary relationship is with a substance. He is probably in it far deeper than you realise.

It's so sad! Really does break my heart! I look at him and can see a decent loving man in there, but the second he's on a coke binge, that man is gone and he's so selfish and never accepts responsibility ... Thank you for your kind words & support, I really need that right now

That is exactly what I think when I look at my friend. Decent man underneath, selfish knobhead when intoxicated. It's such a waste. But it's not you. He'd be the same with anyone.

You're not going to be able to save this person op and it will end up eating you from the inside out if you try.

Do you have any children and if not do you want to have them one day?

I mean this kindly (really I do) but I think you need to think about what attracts you to people and what that might mean. Do you find the idea of "rescuing" someone attractive, do you like the idea of someone damaged or needy? Those can be dangerous things when looking for a love match.

There is nothing inherently attractive about a man whose primary need is for drugs and chaos. And I do wonder how much of the "good man inside" is real and how much is manufacturers inside your head. Be very careful OP.

Oh so true about the rescuing, BarbarianMum. But you end up not helping them and hurting yourself.

Thank you for your replies! Everything you're saying is true, I'm just hurting as for whatever reason I truly loved him! From the beginning he was good at hiding the extent of this drug use and made me fall for him hard! I'm left so sad, and missing the man he pretended to be and sad for who he actually is! And devastated that drugs and drink could come before a life of love from me, he wanted a baby with me, to buy a home and it's all gone! ... I feel so embarrassed and worthless now.

He prefers cocaine to you and he also prefers it to anyone else. It’s nothing to do with you. It’s not like if you were ‘better’ he’d suddenly quit cocaine.
Do you really want to have babies with an addict?! Bad idea!

I definitely don't and wouldn't have a child with a cocaine addict! Before his addiction came to light these are the things he said we would have. I was naive and foolish, but at the time he was everything. I know I've had a lucky escape, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I'm afraid that is classic addict behaviour... :(, the over-the-top future planning, I mean. You should not feel worthless but I know what it's like when you realise something that mattered, a lot, to you, is over x