First date...I’m so nervous, any advice?

[Icecreamlover123]

Hi,
I left an abusive relationship of ten years and have a little one. I left in December and tonight I’m going on a first date with a guy whose asked me out. The thing is I’m soooooo nervous, what do you actually do on a date??! He will be waiting in a bar for me do I just walk in and be like hi! Feel like I need a drink before I go to settle my nerves. Can anyone share their first date experiences/ tips /advice. Thank you in advance.

Sit. Chat. Don't panic. Don't drink too fast. See how it goes. You're interviewing him for the job of "friend maybe more", you don't need to put on your best behaviour, be natural.

Try not to overanalyse (I know that'll be difficult after ten years in an abusive relationship), but also don't be afraid to just leave if he turns out to be an arse.

Don't have a drink before.

First date nerves are horrible..... But, you can battle them. I usually arrive early and head to the toilet and make sure I'm looking and feeling my very best. Take 5 minutes to compose yourself.

The way you speak to yourself is so important, he's asked you on a date, he wants to spend time with you and all you need to do is let your personality shine through.....

On my way to a date when I'm driving I make sure I have the music loud and sing along in the car, puts me in a great mood and it always gives me something to talk about 😂

I usually hold off on the alcohol before j meet someone though as it sometimes has an opposite effect on me and makes me worse.

Everybody is different but the most important thing about a date is to just relax and enjoy it. Nerves are normal, and sometimes quite endearing - it shows you care and you are a human being with a soul and feelings.

Good luck! And let us know how it goes. X

I like the concept of the interview, I will keep That in mind when I’m speaking to him. I’m very outgoing and chatty normally but I feel so nervous. I don’t know how long I should stay out for / how many drinks I will be having out. Think it’s best not to have a drink before I go like you said. What if I really don’t like him, do I just make an excuse to go. What happens at the end of a date? I don’t like awkwardness.

Can you think of a Plan B if you go in and he's horrible? Instead of going home could you go to a friend's house? Hopefully he will be lovely!

@VixenSixen I love your loud singing in the car!! I agree it defintley puts you in a good mood. It’s a tricky one with the alcohol becuase he’s said do you want to go for a few drinks, how many do I have before I think maybe I should stop now! I’m nervous in case I don’t like him and I need to get away haha. He seems lovely but not met him in real life! Ahhh feel like a teenager all over again, stomach feels like it’s on a rollercoaster

@HollowTalk I’ve not got a plan B yet, do you think I should have one in place?

A plan B is always a good idea - can you tell a close friend and get them to call you if you need a quick exit. My code word is "I'm a celebrity" 😂 This is followed by a phone call 2 mins later requiring my urgent attention 😂

Haha 😂😂 I will put one in place! It sounds like you’ve used ‘I’m a celebrity’ a lot 😂

I was the same when I had my first date. I was literally feeling SO sick! I kept thinking stupid things about meeting him in the bar such as 'what if I don't recognise him' , 'what if he doesn't turn up'.
I got there 5 mins early and I texted him to say I was nearly there and was early. He texted back to say he was 10 mins away. So I got a drink at the bar and sat down and that made me calm that I already knew he wasn't there and he would walk in the door.
It was all TOTALLY fine and I shouldn't have worried. He was a lovely guy.
My 'get out' clause was that I had a babysitter so you could use that excuse if you need to.
I did have 1 drink before I went so nothing wrong with that if it calms you down (just don;t drink loads).
Deep breaths and ENJOY.

@crappyday2018 Thats the part I'm dreading most walking in and finding him. And I dont want him to watch me walking haha Ive bought a pair of wedges so they give me a little height and are dressy but comfortable! If he watches me walking in I may slip haha, its terrible isnt it. What do you do at the end of the date?

Haha that made me laugh cos that is what I worried about. The awkwardness of walking in and having to 'look around' for him. That's why I would suggest going a bit early. Text him just before you arrive to say you're early so already there. Hopefully he will respond and you;'ll know if he's already there. If you get settled with a drink and a seat, he's the one who will have to walk in and look for you.
At the end of my date I actually shared a taxi home with my date as he lived really close to me. He was a true gent so wasn't worried. We just had a hug and a 'if you fancy meeting again' chat and that was that.
If its not going great, or he's not for you, just stay for a couple of polite drinks then explain you have a sitter and can't stay out late. If its going well then anything could happen.

Glad your date went well. I am going to take your advice and go early!! Just running through what topics to talk about haha feel like a teenager all over again. I’m sure after a drink and initial meeting I will calm down a bit, when I’m nervous I don’t stop talking so that could be a good or bad thing

I hope you have a lovely time. I recommend just taking it slowly even if you hit it off really well. Quick kiss on the cheek is nice at the end.
When I was dating i used to let a friend know where I was going and when I planned to be home.

Don't get dressed up to the nines - puts you on the back foot as far as I'm concerned - dress nice but casual, don't wear daft high heels you can hardly walk in. You don't know this person at all. I'm afraid it's not likely to lead anywhere so stop stressing, just enjoy it as a tiny adventure for a couple of hours. Because it's your first date - you are way over thinking it!

Switch your mindset - not "does he like me / fancy me" but "What's this person like - is he my type of guy".

Yes I agree, don't go overboard with your outfit. Nice smart/casual. My date was midweek so it was easier to be casual and actually my date was a bit too casual for my liking.

Don't worry too much about thinking about topics cos you won't remember anyway, just let the conversation flow naturally. Just remember there are 2 of you so he should be making the effort to make conversation too!

Good luck and please come back and update us.

@Icecreamlover123 how did it go?

Oohh hope it went well!! X

Hi ladies

Thank you all so much for your advice. The date went really well, very nice guy! I was nervous to begin with but he was really chatty so I let him most of the talking, and then when I felt a lot more relaxed and at ease I was able to chat. I really enjoyed myself he was a real gent. He asked me if there would be a second date. I am going to message him a little later as don’t want to seem too keen. Glad the initial meeting is over with though that’s the hard part.

Ah that's lovely news OP. So glad it went well and wasn't as scary as you imagined. Once you get the first one out the way its so much easier after that. Hope you get that 2nd one.

I've been waiting for this update and I'm so glad that your date went well..... You did it! 🌈

Nothing is ever bad as we imagine it to be and I'm glad you got to relax too eventually.

Good luck x