This was me about 6 0r 7 years ago. I could say what I've learnt and I could pass it on but a lot of mumsnetters might poo poo it. I suspect they might have been coming from a place of more robust confidence though and a less inherent people-pleasing place..
I'd had an abusive relationship and thanks to MN I understood abuse and felt really well informed and could see through all of the bullshit but my people pleasing personality was still there really so what was happening for a long time was that I spotted abusers and away from the them quickly (well done me, progress) but that the decent less selfish men were after being initially interested in me , turned off by my hardwired people pleasing. I understand it but it hurt me a lot and knocked my confidence MORE
So I had to learn things twice. In theory, and then in practice.
So my advice to you would be to write down what you feel your deal breakers and boundaries are while it's still theory, and then later, when it becomes 'practice' and there's a real romance , refer to your list and do not waiver. That was always my failing due to the people pleasing traits which i've worked hard to overcome. I"ve got there now finally. But I used to let things go because it was a real romance and not a list of standards but I shouldn't have.
After it had happened a few times (ie, dumped by men who had been interested to begin with) I set certain rules for myself, ie that unless I felt comfortable ringing somebody out of the blue then I wouldn't bother proceeding,. ie, any sense whatsoever that my phone call was breaking a rule then I was done. If my call wasn't welcomed with 100% enthusiasm I smelled another avoidant trying to compartmentalise. If I needed to prioritise the kids and they guilted me, I would get turned off not strive to ''make up for it''.
Some switch in me flipped after about four years of internet dating on and off.
I have listened to a lot of relationship gurus on youtube along the way though, Meredith Miller, Ross Rosenberg, Lisa ROmano, Allan Robarge. Loads more, learnt a lot about myself over the last decade and although I'm heading for 50 next year, I no longer care if I'm single for ever, I'm brave enough,it'll be fine, all the evidence from my own life so far shows that it might even be better.
Don't worry about your body. If somebody asks you out twice presume that your body is not putting them off! I know men are visual blah blah blah but it's definitely the dynamic between the two of you that makes them interested, properly genuinely interested. People on mumsnet hate advice to wait a while before sleeping with them but I learnt this the hard way. I was sleeping with people just because we'd gone on 6 dates and I'd heard all the right things. I hadn't let enough time pass to see if their words and actions were authentic or incongruous. I think a few minor incidents that test their true intentions first would have been a good thing.
Good luck