Literally desperate.

[mamapart]

So I stayed up last night having a drink. My bf went to bed and I was in a call with all my friends. Everything was fine I came to bed and that's that. I should have known though that he would start again because he's jealous. He apparently doesn't trust me talking to other people once I've had a drink and doesn't know what I'd do. Right well the past two weekends he's been out watching football, drinking and going clubs in the evening but I do it at home and I'm wrong? And now he's leaving because he's had enough of me 'flirting' he's had enough of me taking everything out on him. When really he just expects me to be a "yes" man like his mother is to his father (who apologised for speaking to loud) like are you joking. So now he's leaving and I just sat on the bathroom floor begging him to stay. What do I do?

I suffer with such bad intrusive thoughts that are triggered by fear and make me think the worse and it's hard to take that step. I can't even think of him as being abusive and I don't want to leave him.

I can't even think of him as being abusive and I don't want to leave him.

I'm not sure how we can help you, in that case. Please think rationally about this. He is totally playing with you; controlling your behaviour with the threat of leaving. He knows it works. And it's not fair.

Do you really want to put up with this crap? Please do some work on your self esteem. Are you having counselling? It might help. Try and explore why your standards are so low.

What are the intrusive thoughts?

And is the worst things that can happen that you are afraid of?

@Putthatlampshadeonyourhead

I don't really like to discuss the intrusive thoughts, it's better to just let them be and move on otherwise they become repetitive( tip from counsellor). There's just something nagging me when I decide to stay with him

I am an OCD sufferer so I know exactly what you mean about intrusive thoughts. They are awful. So you have my sympathies here. As for your partner... He is not good for you. You need to start getting strong and accept that you don't need him and deserve better. Are you seeing your counsellor still? Please talk about this relationship to them. People with OCD and anxiety are ideal targets for abusers. Believe me, I know. Do not let him do this to you. He has left you before, from what you said. How can you trust that he won't leave again? And honestly, that's besides the point. Him leaving is a blessing, although for your own self esteem, if you are the one putting a stop to this, even better.

He’s controlling and insecure. You need to decide if being ‘allowed’ to have friends/a life or being the slave to his insecurities and never being allowed friends is more important to you.