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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I fucked this up? Dating

15 replies

abandonshipp · 11/05/2019 10:15

I met a guy on OLD last September, he asked me out a few times but I said no, because I just got the idea that we want different things. We get along well so have stayed friends since then.

A couple of weeks ago I bumped into him and he asked me out again, said that he thinks he wants a relationship with me and that he really likes me. He made a comment about wanting me there right then and I made it clear that I don't want to rush into any sexual relationship. Although I realised I do like him so we went on a couple of dates, nothing has happened physically, and he is very shy and reserved in person.

The first two dates were within 3 days of each other and our next meeting isn't planned until next Sunday. He's asked me before to go to this specific place on Sunday, and I'd said no. Now he's asked me again and I agreed to go but I'm worried that he just wants someone to go with rather than wanting to see/date me.

Before agreeing to any dates I said I want us to still be friends if it doesn't work out. I'm struggling now with lack of clarity, I think he enjoyed the chase more. I've been careful not to get into good morning/night messages, although this morning I replied to his message from last night and he has left it on read.

I'm so annoyed that I've got sucked in by this and want to say to him "where are we at? Are we going on Sunday as friends or as a date?" But I know because he's ignored me this morning I should just leave it 😑

OP posts:
Mum4Fergus · 11/05/2019 10:32

Reading that, I've no clue where the guy stands...so likely he doesn't either. You're both adults, have an adult conversation about it all and take it from there.

abandonshipp · 11/05/2019 10:36

I suppose he could feel that way. He's previously told me, when we were just friends that he loves the chase. I'm a bit reluctant to say "I really like you" and him go completely cold.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 11/05/2019 10:38

You’re making it harder than it needs to be. Meet on Sunday and go with the flow. You sound really intense.

madamedeluxe · 11/05/2019 10:38

I’m confused too. What do you want? Start with that.

abandonshipp · 11/05/2019 11:21

I just can't help but overthink everything. I want to continue dating him but also don't want to scare him off now. I'm worried that now he's not chasing me he isn't interested anymore

OP posts:
Eslteacher06 · 12/05/2019 07:02

Well if that happens then you know your answer. It sounds a little like you are playing games and good guys don't enjoy that.

Just go on Sunday, if it's lots of fun, then ask him what he wants then.

Dieu · 12/05/2019 09:45

You don't seem to like him very much. Not a judgement at all, but that's what came across to me from your post.

Bumpdebump · 12/05/2019 09:53

Man wants to go to specific place, thinks it could be a good date venue and asked you to accompany him? What an ARSEHOLE.

Just kidding . Sounds like he's asking you on another date and you're mucking him about. Why all the drama?

bigchris · 12/05/2019 09:55

Aw bless you, is the date today? Just have fun Smile

abandonshipp · 12/05/2019 14:56

The day out was supposed to be next Sunday.

He asked me today what I'm up to, and I said meeting my male friend. He asks if it's a date and when I said no, he then told me "I'm not dating anyone, hope you agree" and a load of stuff about how he's down and depressed and isn't ready for a relationship. I think this is bollocks, because 2 weeks ago he told me he did want a relationship with me.

Now obviously my gut feeling was right about this. I feel really quite hurt that he'd drop me like this after being so open and honest about each others pasts. So many times he's promised he wouldn't if we ever dated, and he has.

I feel like such an idiot for putting a bit of faith into him, and so stupid for letting myself like this man. :(

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 12/05/2019 16:10

Oh just leave it, OP. It's not worth all this drama. Dating should be fun!

abandonshipp · 12/05/2019 18:46

Yeah, i am doing. Thank you everyone. Just another lesson to trust my gut.

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 12/05/2019 20:30

It's not worth it. Really. If he was into you, he'd make it very clear. If he wasn't then why would you want him anyway. His behaviour does seem to suggests he's more on the not side though, sorry. Keep your options open.

Bubblegumgal · 13/05/2019 09:47

Been there a couple of years ago OP! Sounds like the same guy tbh & my one started seeing someone else at the same time & got into a relationship with her 😱 never mind op, dating is a numbers game really!

wishywashy6 · 13/05/2019 10:31

I just can't help but overthink everything. I want to continue dating him but also don't want to scare him off now. I'm worried that now he's not chasing me he isn't interested anymore

You can't scare someone off who is genuinely interested and if he's not genuinely interested then why do you want to continue dating him? 🤔
Have a conversation. If he wants the same then great, if he doesn't then move on and find someone who does.

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