Pregnancy has changed everything

[Malley8]

Hi all,

I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant with DP of 3 years. I have one child from a previously relationship and he has two.

When I found out I was pregnant it was abit of a surprise as it happened a lot quicker than anticipated. I’d stopped contraception very shortly before with no period yet and was undergoing testing for PCOS.

Our relationship before this was very happy and easy going, genuinely had never argued and was always laughing and joking together.

Since the pregnancy it has changed dramatically, DP is now quite snippy and argumentative. Has no patience with me or any of the DC and I just feel that the shift has been huge in quite a small time frame.

He wasn’t over the moon when we found out but wasn’t devastated... he said it was quicker than we thought but we would make it work... get engaged and he would stick by me.

Now I’m starting to dread him proposing and have fleeting thoughts about whether I can even continue with us and the pregnancy.

Our relationship isn’t exactly terrible now but it is a stark difference to what it was. I feel like I’ve seen a whole new side to him I’ve never witnessed before. DP’s mum said this is him when he is stressed as she and I are really close but it a lot for me to handle too.

I raised DS alone until I met my partner and am still his main caregiver and am starting to wonder if I would be better off doing that with this baby too.

I’m just so stressed and upset by this, I’ve gone from having a stereotypical perfect relationship to being with someone I don’t really even recognise completely anymore.

I don’t know if I’m emotional and hormonal and that’s making this seem worse to me than it is but I’m finding it really difficult.

I don’t really know what I’m asking... has anybody else experience this ? Did it get better ? Should I be planning an exit? I really don’t know the answer.

I just want us to be like we was and if he can’t cope with this then what the bloody hell is going to happen with a crying newborn is thrown into the mix.

This is surprisingly common I'm afraid. Some men don't show their true colours until they think you are 'trapped'. I think either way you know this man is not right for you so should probably end the relationship. Whether or not you continue with the pregnancy on your own only you can decide. Sorry this is happening OP.

Have you tried speaking to him about how you're feeling?
From your op I feel like it's only his mum you've discussed this with, I'm happy to be corrected.
To me it sounds like the speed of which it has happened has shocked you both, but while you're over it he may not be?
I would ask him if he is ok on general not just with the pregnancy.
Its early days, you're only 11 weeks so I'm sure this will pass once he is used to the idea.

Congratulations on the pregnancy x

If you dont want to leave or end the pregnancy then yes I would say plan your exit. If things improve, then great.

But pregnancy is often when men show their true colours.

Totally agree with what Johngon said. You'll likely feel a little better just for having a plan. I have been a single parent too and now I'm pregnant with my second. My stepson lives with us full time too. People may think this ridiculous but I've always had an exit plan just in case. I've been in abusive relationships in the past so a plan makes me feel less vulnerable. I've always kept financial independence too which makes me feel more secure.

Hopefully this will pass though. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Do you feel safe to do so?