Is it possible to force emotional connection?

[EVLPEK]

I think my relationship lacks emotional connection. What are the symptoms? Well, I feel the lack of his interest in me as a person.

He does not ask about my life in general. He always listens when I talk and remembers stuff. But, he never initiates any topic related to me and he never asks further questions (like if I talk about something, he just answers with his opinion or experience, but never asks why, when, how or anything further from me; I can talk about a difficult work project or whatever other topic in my life, he listens, but if I never bring this up myself again, he won’t ask about the progress or how the project ended). He never starts any conversations about future, plans, dreams and hopes. He never asks me about such things. If I ask him (what do you dream about, how are you in general and so on), he gives me long answers and I ask additional questions, but he never reciprocates.

We have discussed my concerns in a way or another, but I get the feeling that he just does not understand. He tries perhaps once or twice but then the old habits come back. We are just totally different. The deeper interest does not come naturally to him. But it makes me so sad, to be honest. So.. My question is - is it worth trying to change the situation, to talk to him, to get perhaps some self-help book to teach him or something?
Or do I demand too much?

How long have you been together?
Do you have children?
Did you ever feel that emotional connection in the past?
If he’s happy, sad, angry or tired, can you easily tell the difference?

We've been together around three years. No children. I think it has always been like this. At the start I did not notice it, because all the excitement of the new relationship and rose-colored glasses and so on. But when I think back, it has always been like this.
Regarding his moods, he is usually rather content, not the most emotional guy. He has not much going on, so there are not much things to trigger different moods. However, yes, I can tell when he is in a different state than usual. And I then also ask about the reasons and show that I have noticed.
He indeed has a few times asked me what is wrong if I have been in a bad mood. But only a few times and then I have really appreciated it.
But in a daily basis I just feel that he just talks and talks and talks about everything, he has an opinion about everything and he has to share everything what is going around him, but it never occurs to him to put his interest in me, ask about me, concentrate on me. Even if I tell him about my things, he just expresses his opinion and talks so long and if there is anything further I'd like to tell him regarding the topic, I have to force myself to bring these up. And sometimes he goes way beyond the thing-topic-issue I have and then I have to bring the topic back on track and share what I wanted to share.

If he isn't feeling the lack, then it will be hard for him to address. You can try answering as though he has asked. 'I'll tell you what I thought, shall I?...'

You can also try bonding activities like feeding each other, looking in each other's eyes, massage and other touch. This will increase the feeling of intimacy, but it won't awaken his interest in your inner life, sorry!

He sounds very like my DH.

Cross post. So frustrating. You have to work out if you can live with it- it's not something that's going to change, sorry.

Without meaning to trivialise your situation, dancing seems to have a very high falling in love rate if strictly is anything to go by.
But 3 years, no kids, I’d walk.

I've been thinking about walking out of it recently, to be honest. Because it bothers me more and more. But then I think that it is not a big deal, I can live with it, most of the relationship is good and so on. But every so often it again strikes me that it makes me sad and I do not want to live like this. And I'd like to fix it! But I do understand that it is difficult if he is happy with the status quo, which seems to be the case. And I do not want to nag him and force him to do something that he is not capable. I feel like I'm in loss. I cannot accept it and live with it and I cannot push myself to talk to him about it - I do not know how to talk.

He sounds like my DP. I struggled with this to start with but have accepted that this is who he is.

He's always there for me if I need him and has never let me down but doesn't seem hugely interested in my life when I'm not with him. It's just the way he is. If you can't cope with that then maybe it's time to move on?

I walked away from a relationship like this. There were no conversations, only monologues.

I'd start what I hoped would be, and often needed to be, a conversation; he'd interrupt, and then he'd talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. Every single time. When he finally came to the end of his monologue, there was absolute silence, the original topic long forgotten, a great big conversational dead-end hanging in the air.

Whenever this happened in front of friends, I could see the total bafflement on their faces as to what on earth to say next, or whether there was any point saying anything next. He didn't build on topics, he didn't spark debate, he didn't develop conversations. He just spouted and we all had to wait until he stopped.

It wears you down. He was a nice man, but he never listened to me, and I never felt so deeply, miserably lonely as I did when we were together.

Thank you for sharing your stories! I can make a conclusion that the old truth is true "you cannot change the other person, you can only change yourself". So as I understand, it is my decision - I have to decide whether I can cope with such behaviour or not and if not, end the relationship. No point in trying to change the specific characteristic.

Definitely. You need to think about all aspects of your life. Do you connect well physically? If you do, and he's trustworthy, good etc, then it may well be enough.

My DH is a lovely man, great dad, loyal reliable, good provider. But it's like living with my brother now. I accept him as he is, but there is no spark.