Really worried about my DBs drinking...

[bedroomcushions]

First off...I am a little niave about alcohol consumption because I don't really drink so please excuse my stupid questions.

My brother has always been a big drinker, started as a teenager he is now 55. He basically has never quite grown up and is known as life and soul of the party to some, village drunk to others.

He has been barred from all but one of our village pubs (we have 4). 2 marriages have failed because of his drinking habits. He sees his teenage daughter every Friday but essentially picks her up, takes her to macdonalds and she sits in the pub with him until closing time. That is her quality time with her dad(!). Saturday is time with me and my DD, then she goes home.

FGatherings he turns up already drunk and continues to drink to the point of annoying everyone. He regularly gets kicked out of taxis and has to walk home. He once ended up nearly killing himself when he tried to take a shortcut home. He can be very insulting when drunk and doesn't remember it the next day. He spends over £500 a month on alcohol (according to his girlfriend), which he cannot afford. Always 'borrowing' money (not from me).

He has hypertension and is pre-diabetic, obsesity - his GP told him to cut right down but if anything he seems to be drinking even more. It now turns out he is drunk every. single. night! Starts at lunchtime at the weekends. I am guessing at least 6 pints a day, likely to be more especially at the weekend. Again guessing only.

He does get up for work and just about holds down a job. I am convinced he is driving to work over the limit.

My niece broke down in tears yesterday because she is convinced he is going to drink himself to death - she is scared - as am I. My family seem to be brushing it off as social drinking because he likes the pub. - likes a drink. I have tried talking to him but he is in complete denial, saying he just needs a few pints to relax after work.

My question to you is...if he is drinking 6-10 pints of lager a day will it kill him? I know it's excessive, but how excessive in terms of general health? I am aware I cannot do much else to stop him from drinking so much, but I just want to know what might happen to him. How will it all end? (worried)

Well we are going to die.
But yes, he will die early if he continues like this.
Usually complete liver and kidney failure will happen (1st hand experience of this with a family member who died last month)
Not a nice way to go.
But you can't do anything.
If you want some support from others in the same situation as you then you contact Al-Anon. They can be a great source of support for people suffering as you are.

I posted something similar in AIBU about a friend two weeks ago although he doesn't drink daily every weekend he drinks to excess, it's affecting his health, he drove home drunk recently and he's ruined several events. His wife is also a heavy drinker whose mum was an alcoholic and drank herself to death. I expressed some concern and whether I was wrong to suggest to our small group of friends to not say "yes" so often when they suggest going to the pub in some effort to minimise his drinking as I've noticed if we say no and don't go out, they stay home and don't drink to excess". Most people told me to butt out and stop being so judgemental.

Someone posting something similar to yours and mine in Chat last week and got a much more understanding response. I hope you'll get the same here. I've no advise, just sympathy and understanding.

It's very hard but you have to accept that he is choosing drink over life. He probably will die of alcoholism. You are better to spend your energy and efforts on building your on resilience and supporting your niece. It is hard for you but desperately sad and upsetting for her to see him chose alcohol over her.

I am sorry

Sadly the only person who can help an addict is the addict themselves. Until your DB realises he is spiralling and risking his life, he won't change. I'm so sorry for you and for Shatners too. People don't understand alcoholism until it's stepped into their lives.

In the past year I've lost both my H and my DM to alcohol, my DM only last week - she fell down the stair in her house. to both of you and to everyone else who has been there or still is.