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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex’s wife pregnant

18 replies

Stressedbuthappy66 · 10/05/2019 07:46

So we found out last week that my ex’s wife is pregnant 🤣. We were married for 23 years before I found out abt his affairs and we are now finally divorced 😀, I’m not bothered that they are having a baby together.. slightly sad as when I was pregnant with my youngest he told me to have an abortion as he didn’t want anymore children (I didnt!)
So getting back to it.. my concern is my children, they already have a strained relationship with him and I think a new baby may add to this. I try to no be mean abt him but I struggle sometimes. He put me through so much! Not sure why I’m writing on here. Just needed to vent I guess x

OP posts:
ralphfromlordoftheflies · 10/05/2019 07:49

I don't understand the laughing face after your first sentence?

NameChangeNugget · 10/05/2019 07:54

No one can really predict what will happen. Not worth worrying about something that might not come to fruition.
Like @ralphfromlordoftheflies I’m struggling to understand the laughing emoji....???

Was this genuine, an error or a brave face?

Good luck and hope it all works out.

Windmillwhirl · 10/05/2019 07:59

I'm guessing the emoji face is to show how not bothered the op is. It looks a little hysterical though.

Do the Kids want a relationship with their dad? My dad was useless and at 12 I decided to cut contact for good.

If he is not interested in his kids now and has a new family, it doesn't bode well.

HJWT · 10/05/2019 08:17

@ralphfromlordoftheflies @NameChangeNugget Is it not a HAHA, thats funny since he didn't even want OUR last DC let alone MORE DC?

Original poster
Stressedbuthappy66 · 10/05/2019 08:39

Yea and there’s a massive part of me that thinks that also part of my that’s gutted for the relationship my DC won’t have with him

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/05/2019 09:55

Blimey - how old is he?
Does she have other DC?

Teddybear45 · 10/05/2019 09:59

If he doesn’t see them now he will probably see them less with the new baby around. I think this might be a good opportunity to take your childrens’ lead. If they don’t want to see him don’t force them or facilitate it - let it all come from your ex.

Original poster
Stressedbuthappy66 · 10/05/2019 10:17

Hey. He’s 45 and yes she has 2 others. We have 3 together,

2 of my DC are older enough to decide now if they see him or not the youngest will see him sporadically when he can be bothered! I’m trying so hard not to be bothered. But I am! Not sure I should be. Not sure why I am. But I am x

OP posts:
Schoolques · 10/05/2019 10:20

This may well actually bring them closer

A new baby sibling - quite intoxicating

Schoolques · 10/05/2019 10:20

So I think you need to brace yourself for fact that they may want more to do with your ex

Original poster
Stressedbuthappy66 · 10/05/2019 10:20

the laughing face was because he’s an older man and didn’t want anymore children. So it was almost a sarcastic laughing face

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressedbuthappy66 · 10/05/2019 10:22

I’d be more than happy for them to have more to do with him. I almost beg them to. I know how important their relationship is or should be

OP posts:
Schoolques · 10/05/2019 10:25

In that case I would see this a very likely to be a positive development

sugarbum · 10/05/2019 10:40

There's no way of knowing what will happen - until it happens. You are just going to have to be strong.
I understand it must be difficult for you. My best friend is going through the same thing. Her ex has just had a baby with his new wife (who also has her own children) He barely sees his kids as it is, and now there's a new baby in the mix she (my friend) is waiting for the text to say sorry I can't see them I have too much on.
She actively tried to get him to see his kids more, but the courts cannot enforce that. So far, one of her children loves the new baby, the other is showing indifference but is clearly still hurt and angry. Your children will draw their own conclusions and you just need to be there to support them. Which is shit. Having to pick up the pieces. Its just the way it is.

Original poster
Stressedbuthappy66 · 10/05/2019 10:51

Sugarbum

You have just written my life and my concerns. Thankyou. I’ll be there like I always am

OP posts:
ShinyShoe · 10/05/2019 11:12

Why do they do this? I’m honestly curious. I don’t get it. They’ve got kids they don’t bother with and then go and have another baby. Is it to tie down the new woman? Or is to get back at the ex wife in a twisted way...what’s the motivation I wonder because it seems to happen a lot and not a lot the other way around. You rarely hear of late 40s women having another baby with a new husband. I’m just intrigued. A new baby costs money plus if they weren’t keen on the ones they already have then why do it? Truly baffles me.

Schoolques · 10/05/2019 11:42

You rarely hear of late 40s women having another baby with a new husband

Well biology will play a significant part in that

Teddybear45 · 10/05/2019 12:18

Mid-Late 40s woman having kid with new man happens a lot in South Asian circles where a baby is often required to make the new relationship socially acceptable. A lot of secret IVF / donor egg cycles are undertaken!

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