I am struggling to get over this

[Spacecadetagain]

Link to my original thread here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3522577-Narcissistic-abuse-or-not

In a nutshell as predicted .. he got bored of the woman he was sleeping with and the one he really wanted lives three hours away so refused to commit to a relationship with him .
Long story short he started pursuing me again and I kept him at arms length and told him in no uncertain terms that I was no longer interested in a relationship with him .. He called me one night and started pleading with me to re consider saying I was all he wanted. He adored me etc etc .. then two days later three weeks ago he called me up and coldly told me that After three years .. He felt nothing for me and never had done . He said there had never been anything there and that I should go and find a man who gave a damn because he didn’t . He said he realised that he’d never been attracted to me and had no feelings 😳 before going on to have the cheek to say I was clearly obsessed with him and that I should go away and focus on myself and we should “ reconvene in a year .. as friends only “ before coldly telling me that s friend of the family had told him she was attracted to him so he was now going to have a relationship with her . I gathered my strength and told him what s vile lying piece of crap he was and I knew about all his other women and had no desire to reconvene in this lifetime .
Since then he has made one of the women he was sleeping with his “ closest friend” and has plastered face book with pictures etc indicating his new loved up status . That night when he hung up he then blocked me on everything and I haven’t heard from him since .
I do not want him back or miss him but I feel bereft as I’m coming to terms with the fact that I fell for someone who didn’t exist and that Everything he said and did was a lie and that not only did he have no feelings but he didn’t even find me attractive .. I feel soul raped . He is telling everyone that J abuses HIM and that I’m a nutter who needs help and that’s the final blow after I was masqueraded as the wonderful woman who “ saved “ him .. I am now in therapy to understand the deep childhood issues that led me to pursue a toxic man but how can I heal from what he’s done ? I feel like an empty shell right now 😞

apologies my link didn’t work

Just know that you can come out the other side of this.
He can't; he's stuck with himself and his never-ending quest for something he won't ever find.

No doubts whatsoever that his next woman will be getting the same kind of treatment soon, if not already.

Im at anyone who tells me their ex is a "nutter". Almost always projection and it just seems a bit cringe to me to airing your dirty relationship laundry publically like he is. So dont worry. Anyone he is talking to is probably judging him more than you.

He did you a favour blocking him. If or when he unblocks you, make sure to block him yourself. Delete him.

I can’t believe I didn’t spit all the red flags three years ago .. how his ex was the worst monster ever .. he’d left every woman he’d been with for someone new.. then with me .. he refused to label me but kept me dangling and called me constantly going through cycles of love bombing. Then discarding me all the while he was pursueing other women and telling them I was an ugly friend . Calling me paranoid and manipulative when he knew he was cheating .. then this final discard . I’m relieved to be free so why do I feel so empty

Dirtybadger . I mutually blocked him everywhere

I met a guy once OLD who sounded great on paper . Professionally he qualified in an area I was very interested in.

He was divorced with 2 DD.
On our first date he was the perfect partner.
On our second date he started talking about his 'toxic' partner who was 'a nutter' and how he persuaded his DD that a relationship with their DM was detrimental to them because she could never meet their needs and was mentally unstable. He bought his daughters flowers and boxes of special expensive chocolates and encouraged them to have nothing to do with her.

His profession - He was a psychiatric consultant, --who believed in drugging patients to prevent them harming themselves or causing harm to others. I didn't see him again. He couldn't understand why!

Some men people are CF, unfortunately they leave decent people confused and lost because the decent people don't work in the same way

@Hecateh I’ve been unable to link to the original thread but I was involved with him for three years .. during that time I lost my self respect and self worth.. and much more .. His abuse was horrific but everytime he thought I might actually leave him he would switch to love bombing.. I’m glad he’s gone at last but I cannot come with these feelings of loss because I’ve lost nothing yet I feel battered and bruised on the inside

@Spacecadetagain
you are struggling to come to terms but don't express it as can't because you can and you will BUT it will take time.

You have lost something
you have lost how good it feels when you feel you are being loved unconditionally - which is what it felt like when you were being lovebombed
and even more you have lost the
dream/belief/expectation that you had found the love of your life who was going to treat you like the special person you are forever.

You know that even if you have him back you have still lost that dream because he is that man and he can't give you that future but you still have to grieve for the future you envisioned. It's why so many get pulled back in. It's shit, but you will get through it.

I think you hit the nail on the head .. for nearly three years we spoke every day . I did every social and family occasion with him ., I was paraded as this wonderful person who had helped him so much yet behind my back he was seeing other women and asking old friends for relationships . He was pursueing an old friend for the last year and telling me I was paranoid and jealous and that’s why he wouldn’t commit yet was telling her that I was just a bit of sex and that he didn’t even like me . He was involved with her for the last few months yet telling me it was never going to work with her while sleeping with another woman . Then he coldly tells me to get out of his life because he’s seeing someone completely new and the woman he was seeing has now been given the wonderful title of best friend . He floated to me that actually he’d be with her if she didn’t live so far away and said they were very close . She gets him and was a wonderful person and rubbed my nose in it that now she was the person he spoke to all the time ( reading between the lines this means she’ll never get over him and he keeps her on layway for when current relationship doesn’t work ) I realise he’s triangulating his current GF and this other woman just like he did to me .. getting off on watching them get jealous over his social media interaction with them . I’m glad to be free but yes there’s a huge empty feeling that he’s left .. knowing that I was never anything to him and that all the so called wonderful connections we had never existed . I thought he was s friend if nothing else and now he’s demonstrated that he didn’t even value that . I’m struggling to comprehend how anyone could keep someone in their life for so long but never give a damn and then delete them from his life like they never existed . It’s affected me badly . Not because I want him back but because I feel so traumatised 😞