Temporary separation

[radmum81]

I'm after some impartial advice. My boyfriend moved in with me just under a year ago. Things were great between us before he moved in. Since moving in we've literally bounced from one argument to the next and they're big arguments that can go on for couple days. I have two kids age 9 and 15.

I'm at my wits end, I love him to pieces but can't carry on like this. I've suggested that for a couple of months we live separately but go back to dating how we used to when we lived apart. I'd stay in house with girls and he would get a house share or something for a couple months. During this time we would have date nights again and try and talk through some of our difficulties in a neutral ground.

I've made it very very clear to bf that I want to stay with him etc but he's very against the idea, first he said if he has to move out then he will finish relationship completely, then he refused to move out at all saying I should leave if I wanted space. Now he's begging me not to kick him out.

I've been really kind about it saying he can keep a door key, keep his stuff here etc. But we are now at a complete stop as he's simply refusing and our conversations are just going over the same ground all the time.

He said people will think I'm nuts and need medication for asking him to move out etc etc I feel so guilty and he makes me feel guilty. He promises if I don't kick him out then he will change but we've been here a million times before.

Am I being totally unreasonable? Any advice welcome as I'm literally on my knees with this

I married someone who I hadn't lived with before.....the relationship was very much lime yours as he moved into my house ...we got divorced I had to give him money to buy him out.....it was awful how I wish I had lived with him first and seen the light and got rid.....he needs to leave you may find you prefer it to him being their full time....don't back down on this x.

No, you're not being unreasonable. He is. You are the householder and you make the decisions. If it's not working out then he has to go. And don't give in to his blackmail, either. He's a CF.

He said people will think I'm nuts and need medication for asking him to move out etc etc I feel so guilty and he makes me feel guilty. He promises if I don't kick him out then he will change but we've been here a million times before.

Get rid.

Get him out asap, he is trying to manipulate the situation.

Thank you ladies for confirming what i already thought. I've kicked him out tonight says he will be cold sleeping in his van (yet another guilt trip) glad I've done it though. Gives me some breathing space

Do not stay with this guy.
I'm glad you got him to leave though.
He's a manipulative asshole and you don't need that in your life.
And certainly your DC don't need it in theirs.
No-one will think your nuts.
He's playing the 'you are crazy' card.
You know you aren't.
Show your DC that relationships are not meant to be like this and finish it for good.
He won't change.
He will tow the line for a while then it will start again.
Don't allow it.
Don't allow your children to be involved.
Keep him out!

He sounds awful! Glad you kicked him out. Don't let him back in and if I were you I would just end it. You deserve better!

Women are 'crazy'... so we are told, when we disagree with anything. He's no good trying to pressurize you into letting him stay by saying people will think you need mental help etc... Not good! Noone thinks that! He is just trying hard to emotionally manipulate, same goes for him sleeping in his van. He didn't need to sleep in a van, that was his choice, not yours. He could have found somewhere else, especially if you have been telling him for a while.

Thanks all. Hopefully we can talk about things easier now he's out the house. I can't live with the gaslighting and manipulative ways anymore.

He says I'm being horrible to him and that what I'm doing is stupid and that NO ONE asks their partner to move out temporarily he says all couples sort their differences out while under same roof. I know this isn't true and it feels like constant pressure