Normal communication in relationships?

[ohhahhh789]

So for you Guys who don't live with boyfriends or partners, what is your level of communication between dates? For context we have been together for 2 years, don't live together, both have kids, live about 30 mins away and work full time with him working shifts. How often do you see each other and in between seeing each other do you text or ring? How frequent is this?

Ive been with DP 4 or 5 years. No kids. 45min drive maybe. See each other at least every other weekend. Never call. Text every day multiple times though (generally just "morning") before work and then check in and some or many after depending on how busy we are. And then goodnight usually.

Been seeing each other about 5 months. Live 50 mins drive away. See each other 3-4 times a week. Text throughout the day every day. Phone calls if we haven’t seen each other for a while or for transactional (need anything from shops) stuff.

Nearly 2 years here, don’t live together, DP works away half the week and I have two D.C.

See each other 3/4 nights a week and he stays here those nights so we have dinner and the evening together. Text every day we’re apart for most of the day on and off - just a loose ongoing conversation. No stress if we’re busy and can’t get to the phone though. But never a day without chatting - it’d be really odd if he didn’t text me all day. A morning or afternoon without it though I wouldn’t notice as we’re often busy in the day. The odd phone call but it’s not often convenient.

We've just moved in together but before this we were living apart; different situation to you though (2 hrs away, him med student plus helping his family members, me working 90-100hr weeks, no kids, been together 7 years).

We saw each other roughly every 8-10 days (sometimes longer sometimes sooner), talked on the phone probably every other day just to chat (sometimes more often for things like "did you remember to do xyz today/can you post x to me") but not many texts really maybe 2-3 a day. Neither of us can really text while working so we respect that.

Why do you ask OP?

I wasn't sure what people usually do these days. I'm quite an insecure person and I'm feeling a bit rejected at the minute so wasn't sure whether what I'm experiencing is the norm but it seems like it is. Good that how much my bf contacts me seems to be pretty normal but bad in the way that I feel it's not.
Me and my dp do text throughout the day, right from we get up to bed time. The amount tends to vary... between about 10 texts in total between us to 30 in total between us. We always say good morning and good night, we hardly ever speak on the phone unless it's to say ask a quick question before we meet up such as to pick something up or asking if the other wants something from the shop. We see each other about twice per week depending on his shifts. On this week there is usually a week between because our work patterns clash.

Been with dp 4 yrs, live about 30mins apart, both got 2 children each. We see each other every weekend and once in the week. We text every morning then chat every night on the phone. I don’t think there is a norm, if you’re happy with the way it is then fine, if not, maybe try ringing him a bit more. Maybe you’ve both got into a routine, nothing to say this can’t change x

I used to be in contact with my FWB anything up to 100+ messages day, and we saw each other once a week. Messages were generally along the lines of "I'm stuck on this conference call and it's so dull, please save me"

My ex before that - I think 2009-2012 - once we had moved in it would be unusual for us to text during the day unless there was a problem.

Does it really matter what others do, if it isn't meeting your needs?

Has there been a change? What is it about it that's making you insecure/uneasy/unhappy?

What would your ideal be? If you explained how you're feeling to him, how would he respond?

Me, I'm more or less in constant contact with my bf. Obviously we don't talk during work etc and get on with life things, but the window of communication is more or less constantly open. We check in quite a lot. We see each other about once a week, sometimes less.

There had been a bit of a change in that it used to be a lot more. I spoke to him about it last night and he said he understands where I'm coming from but we are just different in what we need. He's not bothered about general chit chat whereas I need that to feel less far away from him. We are going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute which will be increasing my anxieties.
He said he is going to try and be a bit more responsive and I also suggested talking on the phone more. This is never easy with him being on shifts and his routines changing and at times completely clashing with mine. During this week the only time for a phone call is about 10:30 pm when we are both knackered!!

Funnily enough I was just musing this over. I have only been seeing someone just under 2 months so very early days but due to children (mainly mine as they are younger) we can only see each other every other weekend and sometimes a night in the week.

We WhatsApp a lot...on and off all day but I’ve just suggested we speak on the phone later as it feels like a long time to not hear his voice (it will be 8 days since I last saw him when I next see him).
I know a few people who don’t live with their dp’s and everyone seems to have their own ‘way’ which works for them.

See him 3-4 times per week. Been together coming up for 2 years. Texts between 1 and 5ish per day average. Always good night. I'm not sure where I'd find the time for inane chatter by text. 30 texts per day is BAFFLING. How do you fit that in?!

I also hate phone calls. I'm just useless on the phone unless it's transactional, although he will call me if he's been away for example.

I think 30 per day is easy to do if you’re WhatsApping as it’s kind of like having a conversation! Our messages are less frequent during the day when we are both working but I’d say can be 20-30 by the end of the evening. I don’t see him as often as you see your dp though and we’re still
In the honeymoon phase 😂

30 texts a day isn't much if you say that's around 15 each and if most equate to o let one line or a couple or words. It could still mean that I've had less than 50 words from him in a day which isn't much! At the start we text a lot but that wasn't really realistic long term.

30 texts a day isn't much if you say that's around 15 each and if most equate to o let one line or a couple or words.

That’s only your opinion OP. To a lot of people, myself included, that would seem obsessive.

Hehehe, you'd be horrified by the amount my bf and I message then, namechangenugget. There's a bloody big range in "normal".

Same @category12!

I live with my DP now but when we didn't, we saw each other every day, texted all day pretty much - I mean work happens but it was kind of an ongoing conversation. To be honest, that hasn't changed since we live together, we're in constant communication, it's rare to go more than 2 hours without even an 'I love you'.

Obsessive, maybe, but who cares - it's our 'normal'!

I agree 30 a day is nothing if WhatsApping - I’d say it’s more like 100 a day but it’s just a word or so each time like a long chat. I’ve probably sent DP 30 today already just chatting about our morning, weekend plans, what we’ve done so far... not obsessive at all. Wouldn’t stress if it hadn’t happened either which I think is the key - there’s no feeling of compulsion or being checked up on. Just that he’s the person I like to share my thoughts with.

Modern technology (which was supposed to make our lives simpler) does seem to give the expectation that everyone should be in constant contact with each other; DH & I met over 30 years ago & lived 150 miles apart so only met up every other weekend. No mobile phones in those days. We would have a couple of long phone calls about twice a week, less if he was working overseas, we sent love letters as well . We’ve been married over 30 years now but rarely text during the day unless there is something specific to say, DH will usually make a quick phone call on his way home to let me know what time he will be getting back (ie; what time he would like dinner ).

What about two singles , a year into relationship who live 30 mins apart? No commitments . Would once a week or twice be normal. I’m questioning this too ?

30 texts over the course of a day doesn’t feel excessive to me. I’ve just counted and we have exchanged 17 texts this morning. Nothing of any importance but nice to feel connected.

@Sunshinelover3 I don't think there is a 'normal' to be fair, it wouldn't be enough for me, but it would be perfectly acceptable to others.

Ha @Notcoolmum I've just checked - 24 between us so far and he's only been out the house for an hour.

I suppose there is no normal for sure. It’s wjether you’re happy or not with level of contact

Been seeing DP for just over 3 years, we live a couple of miles apart. I have a DD living with me, he has no kids.

We see each other 3 times a week generally. Twice just for a cuppa & natter in front of the TV & most weekends we'll see each other at some point. If DD is at her dad's we'll go out and stay at each other's houses and if she's not we'll find an excuse to do something together.

We never speak on the phone unless it's urgent (twice in 3 years!). We WhatsApp each other funny pics if they come up, or to make plans but can go for days without being in touch. It did bother me to start with but I find it quite a relief now as there's no pressure to communicate, but he normally answers within about 1/2 hour if I do send him anything.

Texts and voicenotes throughout the working day and evening, calls in the evening. We see each other every weekend and twice a week in the evenings.