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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fell out with the sister in law

28 replies

Laurens96 · 09/05/2019 09:32

Just before Christmas my partner and I both fell out with his sister.
She kicked off for no reason other then for the sake of it. She screamed at us chucked stuff about and hit my partner she even ragged her own 12 month old son about.
My partners 8 year old daughter was there and absolutely petrified of her auntie and never wants to see her again.
I think it may be partly because she did coke and weed but had to stop cold turkey because of being pregnant.
My partner and I have decided we want a baby but I don't want his sister around them unless I'm there to know they're safe.
I've explained I don't trust his sister because she's unstable has temper issues and didn't even care about possibly hurting her own baby.
He's saying I'm being controlling and unreasonable because when they make up he has every right to take his child there.
I just need a bit of advice as I don't know whether I'm wrong to not want his sister by my future baby without me

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 12/05/2019 02:30

That’s not a family I would want to be a part of let alone put a baby into.

Downwiththatsortofthing252 · 12/05/2019 10:09

My partner said he'd never let anything happen to his kid

But his idea of 'anything' bad is very different to yours.
I have some experience of this OP; before we had kids my then partner said he'd never hit as a method of punishment. So I thought we were on the same page.

Since then he regularly forcefully pulls my 3 year old away, digs his fingers into his back, pushes him over with his hip, grabs his cheeks hard and if my 3 yo is hanging off the couch he'll push him off hard to "give him a shock to teach him a lesson". But it's ok, because he's "not hitting him".

It all happens when he's pissed off, either because of work or because the 3 year old isn't listening first time (he's a toddler FFS!). It's vindictive, I can tell by the look on my ex's face that he's taking his anger out on the toddler, and I fear for our 1 year old twins. (I'm making plans to leave asap)

So just because your partner says the vague "will never let anything bad happen" doesn't mean you would be happy with what he exposes your child to.

Ignore what your partner says, and concentrate on what he does, which is leave his daughter upset to continue with an argument and not take a baby away from an abusive mother.

Jiggles101 · 12/05/2019 11:32

Nobody goes 'through the withdrawals' with weed and coke, neither are physiologically addictive so no 'clucking' symptoms. They can be psychological dependence forming though.

Only alcohol, tobacco and opiates are physiologically addictive as well as certain prescription meds eg benzodiazepines.

Either way, it's unacceptable behaviour from her, you may be being a little OTT and dramatic about banning her from a hypothetical child that doesn't even exist though Confused

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