No passion in my relationship

[user1494083116]

Been with my bloke for 11 years and for the last 8 he hasn’t been near me. He once told me that he felt pressured in to sex baring in mind we only had it once a week back then and that now I’m cold the reason I come across as cold is that he’s knocked me back so many times over the last 8 years that it’s how I protect my self from hurting so damn much. I don’t feel attractive or wanted more like a lodger ! I’ve lost weight changed my look my clothes but if I try and show him any affection he makes a joke of it. He keeps saying things will get better but how long do I wait?? I’m not someone that needs constant attention but now and again would be nice because right now I don’t feel like a woman just a thing that works her backside off cooks and cleans while he sits and does sweet f a . How much can u love someone that won’t change I’m not old but I’m not young either. I know u will all say move on but it’s not that easy when finances aren’t good enough for me to leave

Any chance he's gay? Or watching a lot of porn possibly? 8 years is along time.

That’s a long time to go without affection. He clearly doesn’t fancy you :( is there any way for you to leave? Have you looked into the finances side of things? Have you looked at what benefits you’ll get? Do you work? You can’t carry on like this. It’s soul destroying for you

Wow op I'm so sorry. I thought your 8 years was a typo for 8 months.
How old are you both if it's ok to ask?

I'm in a similar situation in that we have zero sex life ( for the last 8/9 months ) and I feel like a maid but no way would I stick around for 8 years living like this.
The rejection must be crushing. You deserve so much more

It’s definitely 8 years says his health is the issue but I’m not convinced it’s just an excuse sees me as a meal ticket says he loves me regularly but no action to go with it I get kisses and the very occasional cuddle has promised a few times to speak to a doctor but it never happens and if I bring up sex he gets very agitated and won’t talk about it

I would be thinking about ending it in your shoes. What does he actually bring to your life? Doesn't sound like much.

I think people often gradually drift into totally dysfunctional relationships and end up really miserable. Then they just drift on, year on year, because there's never one day, one event that's "bad enough" to walk away.

Your OP says no passion but I'd say it's a lot worse than that. You have spent 8 years without any sex or even physical affection and on top of that you suspect he's using you as a meal ticket.

You're going to have to end it, you know.

He must be getting some attention elsewhere and is happy to live with someone who is effectively his housekeeper. Get out asap as this relationship is dead.

Is he physically able to have sex? (from what you can remember!)

Hello OP, as a newbie here, but as a person who had the world on their shoulders and has been through a similar situation, I can only say one thing, "get out", I tried my best to keep my relationship working, hours, day, weeks, months and years in fact, in the end, I realised I was wasting MY time and MY life. I'm two years on my own now, life isn't like a fairy story.....yet, but the stress and pain of my ex has gone, I still have a few issues, but I know that I'm not being controlled or made to feel bad.
I walked away, many before me have done the same and many more behind me will do the same, you owe no-one anything, but yourself everything, one life, one person and one you.

Go your own way.

It won't change. He has no impetus to seek any help and perhaps he just doesn't want to change. You are giving him all he wants from the relationship.

If you are really unhappy then I'd sit down and give him an ultimatum, and follow through on it. Even if he agrees to seek help he may renege on it or let it peter out as things "calm down" with you.

Ultimately if you want affection and/or sex I think you will have to find it elsewhere. The current situation will chip away at your soul.

Am so sorry for you I was in exactly same boat & left my husband 2 years ago. I was fed up of getting rejected. It made me feel unattractive, lonely & miserable. The lack of intimacy made me feel dead inside. I didn't actually realise how bad it was until I met my boyfriend who can't keep his hands off me & it's wonderful, I feel like a different person & alive again. Sex isn't everything I get that but it's the lack of intimacy & what it does to your self esteem also. Life is short! you know what you need to do. Good luck x