I think I’m going crazy, help!

[Ally1998]

I really need some advice but I have never spoken about this before. I went to a secondary school in London one of the teachers slept with me when I was 15, the relationship went on even after I left school. I become pregnant at 16 and I had to end the pregnancy which really effected my mental health. He was abusive throughout the relationship which I never spoke about and he made me lie to his friends and tell them I was 18 when I was 15 so he didn’t get in trouble. I had put this all behind me and moved on with my life it’s been over 20 years, but I can’t stop having nightmares and it pops in my mind everyday through out the day. What is happening to me, am I going crazy. I don’t understand why it’s coming up after all this time. :(

There a lot of stuff in the press recently that will be reawakening your memory and you're realising how inappropriate this was.

Where is the teacher now? Is it possible he is still a risk?

You need counselling if this is affecting your life even if it is after all this time...once you've had counselling you will need to consider making a complaint

I know he doesn’t work with children anymore. I believe other teachers including the head of the school had been aware but didn’t do anything. I have never thought about it but now I am continually thinking about all of the terrible things he did and why I didn’t stop him, I feel I can never complain because I just allowed him to do this.

You didn’t allow him to. He took advantage and abused you. Have you told anyone in real life? I agree with going for counselling, it will help to talk about it.

There are various agencies that can support but it depends upon where you live.

Google something like "support for sexual assault victims in **"

...you might not feel like you are a typical victim but it will bring up some sites you can look at. I'd know where to signpost you if you were local to me but that wouldn't be appropriate to share. Please get some support x