My 17 year relationship is over

[Isthisreallife2019]

It's been on the cards for months now but I think this is really it. My partner and I have just had 'the talk' about how we are going to separate and finances etc.... I thought I'd feel relief that we are finally sorting it all out but all I feel is incredible sadness.
I know we need to separate. We have tried to improve everything but the love, respect, kindness and friendship has gone.
What do I do now? I have to move house as I live in a privately rented house and the owner has given me my 2 months notice (he's selling the property). I work 25 hours a week but can't cover a rent with my wage. I shall have to talk to work about increasing my hours but that's no good in the short term. My 13 and 12 year old dc will be OK but my 3 year old dc is so attached to her dad, I don't want her to be sad.
I didn't expect to feel like this. What do I do now?

Poor you. Its normal to feel dreadful at the end of something you put work into - even if it’s for the best.
Do you live together? To be honest once you have claimed housing benefit or universal credit/ tax credits you should be ok in the short term. Will give you breathing space. Long term you could do with retraining for a more profitable career. Consider Uni. Lots of grants and loans for single parents and little hours. Saved my life when I was in a similar position and broke.
Will your partner help you out as you have the children? You also need to ask the Child Maintenace people for help if he doesn’t volunteer support.
You need everything sorted financially- don’t fall into the trap of being kind in the hope he’ll like you better.

Good luck Op.

Go onto entitledto to check what benefits you can get. Have you discussed child maintenance and access?

Have you decided on furniture etc? You can look on Facebook marketplace for stuff you might need. My sofas and armchair were free and are in really good condition.

Talk to friends and family for support, and tell work too.

Sorry to hear your going through this. Even when it’s for the right reasons it’s always hard ending a long relationship. Your little one will adjust, probably quicker than you think she will.

I've got a degree but my job is one I took as it made sense working around my children. I have the qualifications and experience to find something better paying, it's just a shame as I love my current job. The money is just not great.
We do live together but as I have to find somewhere else in 2 months time it doesn't seem worth looking into financial help in the meantime does it? Or am I wrong? I've never done any of this before and it's overwhelming. My partner, ex partner now I guess, will help with the children financially.
It's just all come at an already stressful time with an eviction notice hanging over me.

I didn't even think about furniture and stuff. I've got no family, that's what makes all this so hard. I had a life plan, we had a life plan and now it's all gone. I'm 36 and feel like I'm having to start all over again and I feel desperately alone. We haven't told the children yet. Any tips on how to do it? I just keep picturing my little girl's face and feel so awful for her.

No definitely apply for all the financial help you can get. UC takes 6 weeks but you can get an advance and if you can help towards housing and childcare it’ll take some of the pressure off you.

Don’t rush to make big decisions about your job right now. You’ll be dealing with a whole new home situation and you need to get that sorted and the dc settles. If you can get some financial assistance while this all settles then take it. You can always look for more hours/different job once you are housed and coping with life as a single parent.

Have you got the deposit needed for private rental? What is the social housing/housing association situation like in your area? As a single mum with 3 kids who is about to become homeless it may be worth enquiring with the council and HA’s

Regards the furniture try and divvy up what you’ve got but bear in mind you need to be left with the basics for the kids. Charity shops, local gumtree and fb marketplace are good places to look for stuff.

Yes it’s hard but 36 isn’t old and you will come through this.

Telling your dd - don’t make it complicated, let her know you are both sad but you weren’t happy together, tell her how much you both love her. Answer her questions when she has them and keep it brief.

I've just filled in an application for a council house but the waiting list is huge and until I'm actually homeless, they won't do anything. I'm not sure i want to go down the homeless route after the children have had such a change in their lives but at least if I've applied, it's something.
My head is spinning with everything I need to do and I just can't see the wood through the trees right now. Thank you for the practical advice. This is all new to me and it's so much to take on.

it's so frightening the thought of going it alone isn't it....good luck with the council house...in terms of claiming you need to seek advice and get as much help as you can...big hugs op