Are my expectations wrong?

[Busytizzy]

Hi all, hope you can give me some perspective...

Been dating a guy a couple of months. Had the exclusive chat last week.

We live far apart (seeing each other needs an overnight stay). The last twice I've been to his - the last time was a week and a half ago.

Neither of us has plans for this weekend. He asked if he could stay at mine on Friday night, as he was in the process of trying to organise a visit near me to do a watersport on Saturday.

I said I found that a little offensive. It would have been nice if he'd wanted to do something with me on Saturday, and made a trip here to do that, rather than me being an optional extra on this trip with his friend.

I don't want to be messed around, and I want to be with someone who wants to spend time with me. I guess I feel that this isn't a good sign, especially so early on.

However, he is obviously entitled to make whatever plans he wants, and I certainly don't think he should not do things with his friends.

Is he a bit of an idiot, who I shouldn't waste my time on, or am I being unreasonable?

I think you’re being a bit over sensitive. Maybe he could have worded it better? But do tell him that you are a bit taken aback and feel that you are just providing a convenient bed rather than him being equally happy to spend Friday night with you and then see his friends on Saturday.

He obviously wants to spend time with you, since he has asked if he can see you on Friday, presumably to make up for not seeing you on Saturday. You've not been going out all that long, so he's hardly going to stop doing other things too.

He's making time to see you Friday evening. Have a nice breakfast together on Saturday before he leaves. That's plenty of time.

You're being unreasonable. I'd find you very suffocating if I was in his position. He's entitled to a life outside you and you should have one too.

Sorry but yabu.
If he wants to see his friends, great and if he can stay with his gf, great. If he'd gone to a hotel instead of staying with you, then you could be offended.

Actually, I think you’re right to be a bit miffed. If he’s doing something with his friend, why can’t he stay with his friend? (clue: he doesn’t want to have sex with his friend the night before his activity)

You’ve expressed how you feel and you were right to do so. You don’t need to make a bigger issue out of this now. He now knows that he can’t take you for granted.

Hmmm I don’t think yabu.
IRL long distance couples (even from early dating) basically see each other at weekends.
if socialising they socialise together.
Eg spend the weekend together but go out say night for one of their friends birthdays

Is he staying sat night and leaving Sunday or using you as a crash pad?
Also you went to him the last 2 times...
I’d not break up but I’d be on alert to see if it’s part of a bigger pattern.

It’s early days and you sound like you’re being hard work.

He’s asked to see you Friday, what’s the problem. Walk before you run

So he wanted to spend Friday night with you then go and do something else on Saturday? That's absolutely fine and normal and you've been weird and over sensitive

Depends. Does he want to spend Friday night with you because otherwise he won't be able to see you this weekend due to the plans he's previously made with his friend, and he actually wants to see you? Or, is it just convenient for him because you just happen to live near his friend?

Is his friend near to you or to him?
I asked this because if the friend is near to you, you might be a convenient bed to lay in, so to speak.
If his friend is near to him, he could have travelled with said friend on the Saturday rather than stay the night with you beforehand. This would indicate he wants to see you.
I'd be wary of being a convenience.

So you want to be with someone who wants to spend time with me but you certainly don't think he should not do things with his friends

He's doing precisely this, though, yet you're moaning about it and wondering if he's an "idiot"?

Yabu. Being in a relationship, even a long distance one doesnt mean you cant have plans at weekends with your friends.

He is trying to arrange it so that he sees you and gets to do the watersports. It also saves you travelling to his.

If it bothers you, dont let him stay and see him next weekend instead.

Why don't you suggest he stays the Saturday night after he sees his friend and you do something together on the Sunday? Then he's not using your house as a convenient hotel.