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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he being insensitive or am I over sensitive?

2 replies

Peachblossom1 · 08/05/2019 21:44

DH and I have our wedding anniversary tomorrow. His friend owns a restaurant and we were both asked down tonight (asked a few days ago) to try the new menu. I said to DH we couldn't as if we were going out for our anniversary the following night we would need to keep my mum free for that and as she is watching our daughter the entire next day. I also said it would be a bit rubbish if he got to go alone and I had to stay in again by myself as happens quite a bit. We then met his friend two days ago and he asked if we could come again. I said we didn't have a sitter so neither could come. Then tonight I suggested to DH that we got a curry for tea and had a nice night in. He said he didn't fancy curry but he'd get me one. Then the next thing I know he's going to the tasting session with a guy from his work, and I'm left home alone with our daughter!

I then complained a little about this, that I felt it unfair that he just gets to go out when we were both asked. I then said I was just going to go out afterall on Sat with my work colleagues as they are having a team building lunch and some drinks. When I'd mentioned this to him the night before last he'd mocked that saying that calling lunch and drinks a team building thing was just the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. So I said fine I wouldn't go, but I was hoping he'd maybe have said that sounds nice, just go.

Anyway once I'd said what I did tonight, he said I was just doing tit for tat, to which I said I wasn't and it would just be nice if he encouraged me to go out and socialise instead of making me feel bad, and why was I not going out just to please him when he does as he pleases. He then replied he didn't care what I did (exact words), that I should do as I like and why do I need encouragement from him? Oh and did I forget he was working sat (hinting but not saying that maybe I couldn't go after all).

I'm sitting trying to work it all out and wondering if I'm being ridiculous. Am I? I don't often have issues with him going out to be clear.

OP posts:
Copperandtod · 08/05/2019 21:48

You were both invited out. You couldn’t get a sitter so why shouldn’t he go? Am I missing something here.

SmallAndFarAway · 08/05/2019 21:48

Just go, woman! Just tell you will go out, and go - don't wait for him to convince you, that way madness lies. Carve out your time outside the home to be the same as his, why wouldn't you?

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