At what point do you break away from a friendship group?

[Perfectomonday]

I made a friendship group when pregnant with DC1, all our DC1s are of a similar age. I've always felt like the inferior one of the group and the others have come from (what I would describe) as much more stable, supportive and more affluent backgrounds than myself.

3 out of the group had DC2s at similar times and had another maternity leave together with their DC2s. One had another DC a year prior to them. I had my DC2 around 18 months after them so I am at a different stage with DC2.

They are all quite vocal that they have no interest whatsoever in babies now that they are "done" but I've felt quite hurt that they completely ignore my baby when we meet up with all the DCs. One of them even pushed the pram with my baby in it over to the other side of the room the last time we met up to make space without even acknowledging him. I have always made an effort with their younger DCs.

They say how hard they found the first year with the second baby plus DC1, but they have offered me very little support or contact at all. We would message a lot through the whatsapp group when their DC2s were born to offer support/chat etc, but they seem to have no interest in me and my DC2 at all.

Last time we got together, I cried afterwards as I felt really low. DC1 said that the other DC1s left her out and told her they weren't playing with her and tbh, I felt much the same amongst the mums.

We have been friends for a while and have been through so much together, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's time for me to break away? It's a big decision as I would be losing 4 friends. I don't usually turn down their invites and and playdates, but maybe it's time to?

I think I would distance myself from them. Perhaps with the exception of meeting the occasional one for a coffee nown and again. It sounds like they are just all at a different point in life and you 'don't fit' and this may or not be a conscious point they are trying to get across to you.

Are there any you prefer out of the group? Perhaps getting closer to one on a one-on-one basis would mean you would deepen the bond and so the friendship, with that person. Of course it would also perhaps cause a rift with the others, depending on their nature. Hmm...

I would say back off but stay in touch. Just maybe make a point of being 'busy'. The other alterative is to talk with them about how you are feeling. But that will only be of use if you really think all of them are so utterly unaware of how their behaviour is making you feel (which I doubt). Perhaps if you confidently back away and act like you have other people to see and things to do, they might miss you and make more of an effort and reach out. And if they don't, you'll know you just aren't missed. And you did the right thing to look for better friends.

If you’re crying after meeting up then time to forget this group. You don’t have to be vocal or dramatic about it, just stop responding to invites. Just say “sorry I’m busy that day. Have fun” then put your time and energy into making new friends. Start going to baby groups with your DC2. Use the website netmums and meet-up to meet new mums in your area. This lot don’t sound very pleasant.

If the group is no longer bringing anything good to your life, then back away. It may not be malicious - timing is massively important with this sort of group, and if they (and their older DC) have spent lots of time together on ML they probably do feel closer.

Have you made other friendships at new baby groups since having DC2? People with a baby the same age will be more absorbed with the same issues, and fascinated to talk about sleep, feeding etc.

There are ebbs and flows of friendships as your children grow. Remember that generally you are friends with these people because you were pregnant at the same time, not because you have similar interests or hobbies. When your children start school you’ll develop new friendships and they will change over time too. As kids grow people go back to work and tjat takes up more time. I wouldn’t stress too much over this. With kids, the only constant is change.

Great advice. Thankyou.
I have made a couple of new friends through DC2 but have found attending baby groups this time difficult when juggling school drop-offs, pick-ups, meal times and naps due to the timing of the groups and the travel etc in between. I could make more effort though.

I have felt v anxious prior to meet-ups for a long time. I was at a low point when we met and grateful to be included in the group, but has time has gone on, I've felt they still keep me in a lower social position and don't listen to me or seem to want to hear anything I have to say. One member of the group will ask me a question and always cut me off half way through answering, yet seem utterly immersed in whatever the others have to say. She treats my DH the same way and he has also said he finds them socially difficult.

sounds like its time to move on op. They arn`t true friends really are they?