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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I ended it, now I'm heartbroken

11 replies

Airfixed · 08/05/2019 16:56

I am divorced with DD1 at uni, DD2 A levels and DS GCSEs. I run my own company and life is full-on, so I don't really date, have never used dating websites - I'm not very deliberate. Last October I had a drink with a man I've known for a few years - mainly bumped into him at gigs. He comes with LOADS of baggage including a son born a month after we got together - ex GF, ex wife, four kids in total. I could cope with all of this and we got on so so well and despite the baggage I really thought we had something. Then over Christmas he stopped texting, proposed meet-ups from me were ignored. He kept thanking me for being 'so understanding' and my friends advised me 'love is patient love is kind'. But I need the contact, it's all I have. Then he told me he couldn't go away for the weekend as he had childcare - only to tell me after the weekend that he'd been gigging. I have big trust and abandonment issues after my ex-husband's affair, so after another weekend of no responses to my texts (but time to post rubbish on FaceBook) I ended it. He told me he was in crisis and had shut down everyone. Two months later he's not taking my calls or responding to the occasional text and I am in pieces. Should I try again?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 08/05/2019 16:58

Nope. He’s told you loud and clear he’s ‘just not that into you’. Save yourself any more seconded guessing and move on.

Janus · 08/05/2019 16:59

If you ended it why keep sending texts and messages? Sorry to be blunt but if he wants you back he should be chasing you. I’d go for a dignified silence approach from now on. It’s always horrible when things end, time will make it better.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/05/2019 17:01

Christ no! You did yourself the biggest favour of your life by getting rid of him. He ghosts you, treats you like rubbish, and you want him BACK? A stranger on the street will show you more respect than this arsehole. Good riddance.

RLEOM · 08/05/2019 17:02

I'm sorry this has happened, OP. Radio silence is what you need to do and just focus on filling your life with distractions. Flowers

PickAChew · 08/05/2019 17:04

Nah. Stay away, unless you enjoy misery.

Middersweekly · 08/05/2019 17:10

No you definitely shouldn’t try again. This guy clearly has issues and you should keep yourself well away from him. Also STOP texting him! You can do better!

boredboredboredboredbored · 08/05/2019 17:16

No way. He's not given you the merest hint that he wants to carry on the relationship if you pursue him you'll end up looking desperate - sorry to be blunt op.

HollowTalk · 08/05/2019 17:20

No way. He had far too much baggage anyway. If you can ever imagine yourself with someone on Jeremy Kyle, it's best to end it immediately.

Original poster
Airfixed · 08/05/2019 17:21

Thank you, you're all absolutely right. I'm sitting here full of guilt that I've made his shambolic life worse - but it was never my responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
Airfixed · 08/05/2019 17:43

I'm reminded that he said the reason he was so overwhelmed was that he was emptying out his ex-GF's house that she had sold to move to London. I just accepted this as business as usual. It's concerning how deeply unskeptical I had become.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 08/05/2019 21:23

He has way too much baggage. Leave him to it and move on from him.

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