Just seen my ex....

[1875abc]

So my ex sent me an email from another email he created as I've blocked him everywhere after I ended a 4 year relationship a few months ago. I posted about this
Anyway today I was driving home from work and I bumped into him...he waved and lo saw
She burst into tears and the whole way home saying she misses him
She was fine when we first split well not fine but accepted it
But lately saying she thinks about him and we sometimes talk it over as I'm trying to get over it myself
So think it's only fair I do what I can to help her too?
I tell her she can talk about anything she wants anytime
She then normally says she feels better
All I've said is that we go round in circles as unfortunately I can't keep letting him back into our circle
She didn't really see the abuse thank god, it was more emotional and him being in moods
I thought she would be happier without him! But all she does is seem to miss him
I feel awful for staying with him for as long as I did
But I forgave him as I always thought he loved us so much
I feel so upset for her
She seems ok now we are home and have had a chat but seeing her cry like that...she's only 7 was almost 3 when we met x

Also to add my friend thinks he was where he was so he would see me
I think it's a bit far fetched but also as I've ignored his last few emails maybe he did make himself bump into me?

Are you still with that loser who won’t pay his way and still lives at home? If so, it’s probably confusing your girl/boy.

Try stopping the drama, just ignore him.

No? This is my ex partner of nearly 4 years, we broke up a year ago but was off and on last year as I ended things but he was always sorry.

You cannot stay with an abuser because your Child is missing him

Find ways of distracting her instead of considering letting him come back

So you are still with the new boyfriend who won’t pay his way?

Bumble bee no, I know that
I wouldn't and that's why I eventually ended it
I'd never get back with him
I'm just hurting still
Even though I know it's vier
No I'm not, on my own as I'm clearly not over all this hurt

To confirm I walked away from this as Xmas and since then I've NC blocked and trying my best to move on
This is the 1st time I've actually seen him since we split
Only the odd phone call, email, every now and then
He has tuned up before but that was at the very beginning

Is he the father of your lo

You broke up with your ex last year, you had a new boyfriend very recently and broke up with him too? All that change is hard for a child to cope with, you need to give it time and concentrate on him/her, distract them. Don’t get back with them.

My lo didn't meet anyone else

No he isn't the father of her

be breezy and light with your lass and say we are no longer together for whatever reason and leave it at that.

If he's following you that's a police matter. one warning that he stops or you involve them end off job done.

Yeah she was fine in the end, it's just me feeling bad and guilty
But I ended it for a reason and yes me and her time now
I can't prove that it wasn't a coincidence though so guess just have to wait and see z

Your lo hasn't met your current boyfriend but you say "he stays which is every other weekend for 2 nights and the odd one when lo is at her nans"

So how has she not met him?

Because my lo goes to her dads every other weekend !

I am with your friend on that one too, that he may have been there because he knew you were going to be there at some point. Log it please. In regards to your little one, children understand far more than we give them credit for and just like you, will be missing the good from that previous relationship. It’s normal. What to say is just what you did, be reassuring, and like you said to the LO that you are there for them. Seems like you are doing great there.
In regards to you dating again. I am in a similar boat to you. Recently come out of a difficult situation and downloaded all them lovely apps available under the sun in the hope I could forget and ignore the quiet and the lonelyness that comes with breaking up. I understand it can be tempting to date again, but I promise you it’s even lonelier and harder if you meet one plonker after another. Take your time. You seem to be doing great as a mum. But be mindful of the ex as he may be trying to get hold of you again. My ex did this and it worked every time. I went back so many times.

Can't through my glasses
Thank you for your advice, I'm feeling rubbish as guilty enough without being reminded of what I shouldn't have done so it's nice to hear some supportive words so thank you.
It's hard isnt it...Like you, i took him back so many times. He would beg and beg and just broke me every time ...he was always so sorry and never happen again
His thing was leaving me...for days but lo didn't see the effect, she just thought he was working but in fact it would kill me how he could one time leave it 9 days then he would come back and beg me, cry and I felt so weak and thought me and lo needed him....but we don't. And I have broken that cycle and I will never take him back...what I can't deny is that it's not hard even though it's the right thing for me, for my lo....when it was good it was good and everything I wanted and unfortunately when someone is bad it doesn't cancel out the good and that's what I miss. I had counselling over this last year and it helped me get perspective and helped me learn that I need to be a role model for my lo and show her how women should be treated. And that's what I intend to do.
So of course she is missing the good as like my friends said too, that as I shielded her a lot from the bad but yes I appreciate she is aware as kids are bright. But when he left me all those times she generally thought he was working away.
I do feel I have spent a year on my own as our relationship was so on off so I guess that's why I started dating or felt the time was right but obviously it isn't atm, the guy I met is still a friend and that didn't end bad so that's something.
I hope you are managing to stay strong. How long have you been apart?xx

Sorry it's nothing to do with this convo. Only just joined up and thought I had created a new discussion

@1875abc
It’s easy for others, who seem to have it all so cutely together, to dish out advise and “tell you off” for dipping them scary toes in the dating water when the loneliness starts creeping in, but it’s great to have that telling off too as it bring us back in to perhaps realise that we are enough, we don’t need a bread crumbs sort of loving, and neither do we need the heart ache it brings. Most of the advise given on here is brilliant and I for one have had great support. You know what you are doing and you don’t need to justify your own actions to anyone, even when you make dating errors and put them out there on the www when seeking advise. You don’t own anyone an explanation for how you run your home, your personal life or how you parent, ultimately that’s up to you to control. I had to say it as you seem to be getting a lot of questioning where your daughter is when your bf comes over. You are not on trial, you were asking a simple question and then you got bombarded. You seem to me a lovely mum and trying hard to shield and help your lil one, how many of us mums find us in a situation like yours? All of us, at some point, as there is no manual how best to live life and how best to haggle work or what parenting concerns, well we all get it wrong at some point, and then we learn from it, but the bottom line is that you want to get it right by asking and that shows you are simply trying, just like the rest of us, to do right thing by your lil one, and figuring life out in general in the process.

@Canthearthroughmyglasses
Thank you, you're absolutely right.
Like your self there's been some amazing support and advise on here but sometimes i see people getting questioned over nothing what they've posted and I think it's a real shame.
But everyone is entitled to their opinions aren't they
X