outing yourself on MN - how likely is this?

[SweetnessIWasOnlyJoking]

How likely is it that you would be outed if you post 4 different posts (with name changed) that when combined together, reading through all updates etc reveal:

approx age
how long you've been with partner
job
partner's job
affair partner's job
length of affair

Do you think this is so revealing that the affair partner would find you on MN and recognise you and themself? Can't shake the feeling that it's far more likely that they were stalking you on MN in the first place.

I know that's a lot of info and it's important to be careful. But really? Out of all the millions of people in this country how many of them actually see any one post at any one time? Anyone have stats on that? Logic and intuition are having a barney in my brain.

I would probably think they are more likely to have your log-in details/email address log-in details so can see everything you’ve posted?

Unless one of the jobs is something along the line of Prime Minister, I'd think it's very unlikely. I still don't like to give much personal info on here anyway though, just in case.

I can't tell you DH's hobby in case it outs me it's ALWAYS cycling

There was that post a long time back where someone was able to track down things like towns, kids schools, lots of other details by piecing together previous posts (they did it with permission of the posters involved). It does make sense to change the odd detail here and there.

@MyCatHatesEverybody agreed but I was careful not to give away location or info about kids. There was one statistical detail about my relationship with partner that was moderately unusual that could be the reason this person trawled through the other 3 posts to find out the other details listed above. That's the only explanation.

However, more likely (I think) is that the rambling fanny never left the scene.

Ah I see sorry OP, I thought you were asking more of a hypothetical question.

Although MN has millions of users/readers only a comparatively small number of people post. So yes I think if someone spotted a moderately unusual detail they could do an advanced search on keywords that they might reasonably think also apply to them, even if the poster had name changed.

Or of course they might have had access to your passwords and/or a keylogger.

The triangulation of the jobs might be a gigantic tell. It would be s subset of a subset. The AP might not definitely know it was about her and your DP, but she would strongly suspect. Enough

For example of you wrote you were a Fire fighter living with a dentist who had an affair with an air hostess. It is fairly narrowing.

I spotted someone based on a set of circumstances that was unusual but not unique. A third party, the person cheated on, confirmed it.

What about a couple who got married on a cruise ship. One is a vet and the other is a police officer. The Affair partner is also a vet. That's the level of detail. The idea being the the other woman saw the post that mentioned that the couple got married on a cruise ship and thought 'that's what my lover did'.

It's plausible. Until you find out all of the trickle truth info that spills out over the course of six months (such as the AP and the spouse maintaining a polite friendship after the affair) and suddenly it doesn't look likely any more.

Any statistics on traffic trough the relationships forum. Or demographics?

I actually think this is very common.

Name changed for this!

I posted when my exH left me... turns out the psycho beaver faced tramp OW was a member on here, saw my post and put two and two together.
Her and my exH proceeded to stalk me on here as I poured my heart and soul out on posts.
I did get my revenge though when I had sex with my exh after we split and then posted about it on here. They got back together but it is truly satisfying to know that she knows I can have him anytime I like if I wanted to.

@namechangerrrrrr not trying to be funny, but is it really that satisfying? You'd be better off never going near him again ( not saying you have since)

I spotted my sister on here a few years ago from reading just one thread

I've had one name change but if anyone searched under my old name I'm pretty sure they'd know it was me (quite unusual job).

I've really wondered about this. I think we feel more exposed than we are. I wonder if I've spotted my ex's new woman but who knows. I change a few details here and there. Anonymity is the beauty of this site

I found a friend’s sister on here after the sister posted about their mother’s illness. It probably wasn’t enough information to be outing in itself apart from that my friend had been telling me about the illness that same day and all of the details were the same. The a few days later I noticed the same poster mention in another thread the ages of her DSs; they have a very close age gap (13 months) and that was enough information for me to realise it must be my friends sister as it would be to coincidental for another person to have a mother with the same illness and sons with the same age gap. I didn’t advance search my friends sister or go looking for her (I hadn’t even known she was on Mumsnet) and neither post was particularly identifying but I still managed to ‘out’ her just from two posts. So it does seem plausible to me that somebody could be outed from just a couple of posts put together.

Its plausible to me.
It wouldn't take much, a couple of coincidental circumstances, a turn of phrase that places you in a geographical area.... all it takes is for someone to think, hang on, and do an advanced search. A few other minor details, make of car, dress size, go to recipe, any harmless piece of info like that would be enough to confirm to someone that knows you.

There is a thread at the moment where people are giving the meanings of all their family's name.
I am the only one who thinks this could out someone.

If you suspect you know someone in real life and you advance search them and find them on a thread where you say where you live, number 1 when you were born etc. it would help confirm it.

I think it's pretty easy actually if you aren't careful.

It's more a risk of people coincidentally knowing information and working it out OR someone who doesn't like you (with a motive to dig) who spots a couple of leads.

I am 99% sure I worked out who someone was because a married MN poster had posted about having an affair with an ex-bf from many years ago who worked in London in a not very main stream job where they had reconnected via social media. She'd also posted stuff about the number of children he had and other information about him. Through my work, I indirectly know many people who work in this job.

By coincidence I had recently met a woman in a different area who told me about an ex bf who had this job and had gone on and on about it to me - because she knew I knew about it.

I did a poster search on the history of this poster and realised she lived in the different area.

Totally separately from all of this, I was at a social event where a drunk (married) man who works in this job was bragging about how an ex-gf with marital trouble had got back in touch with him and his words "was desperate for a fuck and was trying to line up her next husband". He was laughing about how he'd definitely have sex with her (but in much more crude language) but she had some sort of disability and if she thought he'd leave his wife she was an idiot but he was going to string her along.

I'm basically unconnected with all of this but a random set of coincidences -including happening on the one thread of the MN poster about an affiar - that made me suspect the MN poster was involved with this unpleasant man - then lead me to search a bit more. I'm not normally a post history searcher so it's really coincidence for me combined with really disliking this man.

I can't be certain certain but I'd put money on it. Once you identify someone as having a job that few people have, you really narrow the pool.

I think when you post about specific circumstances in relationships/events in your life that people in RL know about it makes them think ‘ooh that sounds like such and such’ then depending on how nosy they are to dig into past posts.
I have tried to change some details when posting for advice before (altering age of dc or subbing family members etc) but it just resulted in being called out for potential trolling - made me realise how hard it is to lie as people notice

@SparklyMagpie yes, it is. I haven't gone near him since. It was just emotionally detached sex for me.
It wasn't a case of having no self respect, I merely just set out to screw her over like she had my life. Satisfying.

I remember the story of the Ealing Vicarage rape in the 1980s. No newspaper gave enough identifying details to pinpoint Jill Saward, but each of them gave different info which when combined (The Sun was heavily criticised in particular for printing an image of her home I think) revealed Jill as the woman who’d been attacked. I think that posts on here can be similar. Bits of info here and there painting a fuller picture.

I'm the friendly MN cyberstalker who tracked down the RL details of willing volunteers.

No, not just you having a sharp intake of breathe at that thread, marcopront.

OP, I'm sorry you're feeling stalked.

In the example you've given, yes, the info in those few posts would be enough for an acquaintance to strongly suspect it was you. If they've got a brass neck anyway, they might claim they knew for sure – even if they didn't quite.

But that doesn't mean they weren't also stalking you, I'm afraid. It's so easy to do, for someone that way inclined.

@Tianc
I'm glad I'm not the only one. The response on there to my concerns was dismissive.

I wonder if any of the people who can't say their hobby as it is outgoing are willing to reveal the meaning of their name, where they live and number one the day they were born etc.

Getting married on a cruise ship is quite rare.