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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lies never admits anything? But why

18 replies

Misty007 · 08/05/2019 14:31

My husband will never admit when his done anything wrong especially anything that would make me upset or angry. From accidentally breaking something to getting caught out hiding something. His like a Child he will lie throw his teeth he will blame others in the house even the dog if he can or me. I just can’t stand dishonesty I’m a very calm soft person that would never shout and get mad my 2 boys tell me anything good or bad as they know I would never judge if they accidentally did something I’ve always said don’t worry it’s only a accident as did my mum with me. I’ve always been kind to him too. I wonder what his late mother was like the fact he feels the need always to lie. Recently I found a sex cd in his drawer under the bed it even has his writing on it but he refuses to admit it’s his he shouts at me punches walls and calls me a liar says it’s someone else’s. Yay right a robber entered our house and planted it there. He says I’m blaming him to ruin our marriage crazy. His behaviour makes me depressed even my boys 15 and 23 never act like this. I would have so much more respect for him if only he was honest sometimes. It’s scary I’m starting to think what else is a lie. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
bagpiss · 08/05/2019 15:46

Divorce him and have a happy life with your boys.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/05/2019 15:59

Is he the boys father?
Why are you putting up with this?
Punching walls.
Shouting at you.
Lying all the time.
Why bother.
Tell him to fuck off until he can start telling the truth.
Would he agree to some counselling?

GarlicGrace · 08/05/2019 16:04

He sounds awful, Misty. I'm sorry your boys have grown up thinking this is normal behaviour. There's no point trying to be kind to bullies like him, they do it because it makes them feel good to be the 'boss'.

Set yourself free.

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 08/05/2019 16:12

Yup another vote from me for you to get rid of this twat.

TeaForTheWin · 08/05/2019 16:17

Sounds like a cluster b personality disorder. My bet would be narcissistic personality disorder but pretty much all these sorts 'its always someone elses fault' is their mantra. Alongside 'I didn't say/do that - you are over-reacting/crazy/the one with the issues'.

Either way, he's a c*nt. And one who violently punches walls at that. Leave and get your kid out of there too. There's no fixing BAD.

Kelsoooo · 08/05/2019 16:28

@teaforwin

Where'd you get get Medical Decree and Psychiatry specialisism?

Personality disorders don't = bad

TheyDoItOnPurposeLynne · 08/05/2019 16:30

What's a sex CD?

Dullardmullard · 08/05/2019 16:34

Time to leave

TeaForTheWin · 08/05/2019 16:41

You don't need a medical degree to spot a cluster b personality disorder. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the layman with a basic knowledge of ducks - can tell it's a duck.

But fwi, I did run a meetup group with the key focus on helping survivors of narcissistic abuse and focus also on raising awareness of the disorder. So i'm not qualified to diagnose but I do know what im talking about. I know a duck when I see one.

TeaForTheWin · 08/05/2019 16:42

And cluster b personality disorders most certainly do = BAD.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2019 16:44

Sex cd ?

He does it because he is inadequate. Simple as that. Wouldn't you be happier without him ?

Kelsoooo · 08/05/2019 17:10

Wow. You nasty piece of work.

I'm not bad.

But thank you. Thank you for reducing me to your horrendous thinking when you're not even qualified.

I might be "bad" but you're dangerous.

OP, sorry for derailing your post.

Id advise not focussing on why he lies, but on how this effects you. Because ultimately, that's what matters.

RLEOM · 08/05/2019 17:20

Sorry to hear this, OP. My ex was a compulsive liar, too (hence why he's now an ex). I'd catch him out with things and he'd swear on our daughter's life that it wasn't true when it was! We even had one incident where he'd rather look like he date raped a female friend instead of admitting they had slept together, so I had to enquire myself because I wanted to make sure I wasn't dealing with someone who date raped women, found out it was lies and they'd slept together, and now him and his family hate me because I tried to find out the truth! How dare I accuse him of such awfulness? rolls eyes honesty would've been SO much easier to deal with! Shame as my daughter is now without a full time dad, but I couldn't put up with all the lies about women and lies about everything else for that matter!

The fact that he is punching walls is a sign that you're not 100% safe. His lies, no matter how petty, is not a good basis for trust. Personally, I'd find it hard to be with him, especially if outbursts of physical rage occur.

I'm a firm believer that we all act in certain ways for a reason (upbringing, experiences etc). Have you suggested counselling to find the route of the cause?

Misty007 · 08/05/2019 17:24

Focus on not why he lies but how it effects you. Thanks Kelsoo God how crazy that I’d never even thought of that but yes it really effects me in a negative way. I have this stupid thing of always wanting to help and fix people without thinking about ME. I have nobody to give me advise never have done all me life so thanks just contacted a Councillor today. I would like to take him along too I want him to see how his actions effect others. He point blank refuses to see it. He does have good points he loves to look after you when your ill goes above and beyond. Is generous with money and would drive you anywhere you ask and Sons. Helps around house. But defo a strange personality I do wonder if it’s a disorder. He also seems to go from happy one minute to miserable and moody so quickly.

OP posts:
Misty007 · 08/05/2019 17:38

My eldest Son isn’t but my youngest who’s 15 is his.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/05/2019 19:40

Joint counselling is not recommended where there is abuse in a relationship

Purplehammer · 08/05/2019 19:55

“Why did you believe me when I said I loved you
When you know I’ve been a liar all my life.”
Only lines from an old song.
Makes you think though eh.

theworldistoosmall · 08/05/2019 20:01

Not everyone with a personality disorder lies. The number of pd’s I’ve been diagnosed with from people who don’t have a clue is crazy. They never seem to correctly name mine though.

But op I would leave him. Can you really see you living like this forever. The lying is bad enough but he’s also gas lighting you.

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