Do I end it?

[lilywhiterosegirl]

Hi, I’m looking for advice on my current situation. I have been with my partner for around 18 months and I don’t know whether I should continue the relationship. He got really angry on Monday evening to the point that I had to leave his house at midnight because I felt at risk of my own safety (this hasn’t happened before). I haven’t spoken to him since, and I know he will have a lot of shame about his behaviour, so I don’t know how to progress things from here (or even if I want to). I don’t think any woman should stay with a partner who has made them feel scared but am I overreacting? We don’t live together so I’m not at any immediate risk right now.

Well then your mum can date him.
See how she gets on with that!!!
The only acceptable amount of abuse in any relationship is NONE!
I think it will take him physically attacking you before you do leave.

You cannot "fix" another person. Nor do you owe them a relationship. Relationships don't mend people.

What sort of relationships has your mother had? What have you grown up seeing?

He is neither patient nor reliable! He smashes furniture, he has anger issues that mean you are unable to discuss normal issues with him for fear of him ignoring or getting angry, he smashed his games controller like a frustrated teenager because his game wasn't going well, you had to leave in the middle of the night because you asked him about a bedtime!!

He presents the reasonable facade to the rest of the world
At home he’s prone to explosive and violent outbursts that leave you scared he might hurt you. You have to tiptoe round him and avoid difficult conversations to avoid his anger.
His past doesn’t give him the right to abuse you today.
Run. Far and fast. He’s telling you who he is. Listen.

LEAVE. He is not patient or reliable and you have just witnessed the tip of the iceberg.
You already can’t talk about certain topics for fear of his reaction. That’s not healthy.
He had a shit childhood. Oh well, he needs to go to therapy then rather than suppressing emotions and lashing out in violent anger.

Please think more of yourself and realise that you deserve better.

Thanks for all your advice. It’s a head vs heart decision for me- rationally I know his behaviour is wrong but I still care for him.

He still hasn’t contacted me. He doesn’t care as much as I do, I suppose. I want to phone him to tell him his behaviour is not acceptable but my friends say there is no point

Yes my mum does not have a great track record with men and I’ve always strived to be different from that. Maybe I don’t always achieve it though

You need to have better boundaries than those your mum has taught you and encourages you to share.

He's punishing you by his silence for his bad behaviour, and fully expects you to initiate contact and crawl back.

I agree. It’s so hard not to contact him though - at the very least to tell him what he’s done wrong! I know somehow it will end up being my fault though 🙄

It would. I bet "too sensitive" and "overreacting" would feature.

I know it's hard, but this man would bring you misery. He wouldn't restrict himself to smashing his own stuff, you know. This is still early in the relationship, when it should be as good and easy as it gets. Heed the warning signs, let this one go.