Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being referred to as a 'trophy wife'

18 replies

Mummyofboyss · 08/05/2019 11:31

Basically I have a male friend who lately is referring to me as a 'trophy wife'. It's been an ongoing thing among his friends where there's some sort of joke about them wanting to sleep with me etc.

Were all fairly young so I guess that's just typical lads but I just want to know if others would be annoyed by being called this? I don't see him often but when I do he makes a point of sending snapchats of me to his friends almost as if he's showing me off and as much as its a compliment, I've had to drop a lot of male friends as they're just after one thing and I don't want that tbh. I've always taken it lightly but a while ago he then asked me to delete a friend of his on social media as she was reporting things I posted of me and him to his ex. Obviously I was a bit out out by this as me and him are only friends, but he said he 'cba for the hassle with his ex' and since then we've been planning things and he's messing about a bit.

I also had another male fwb who I've recently cut ties with however when me and his was in contact this friend of mine was very anti-him and always liked to make sarcastic comments when he knew I'd been round his. He came across very jealous but being called a 'trophy wife' just makes me feel that he's only interested in my appearance...

OP posts:
Branleuse · 08/05/2019 11:40

I would bin these people off. I think if theyre doing this to your face, then it will be even more vulgar behind your back.

Branleuse · 08/05/2019 11:42

Tell them im not your fucking wife, im not your fucking trophy, and if youre expecting me to do anything about the dramas you yourself are creating with the other women in your life who have got nothing to do with me, then youre dreaming.

I think very few men know how to have a platonic friendship with women. Some of them do, but its much more rare than people think

Persimmonn · 08/05/2019 11:42

Are you Samantha Brick?

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/05/2019 11:44

They’re just a bunch of wankers. Find some decent friends.

Daenerys77 · 08/05/2019 11:54

'Trophy wife' is a fairly insulting way to refer to anyone whether she is married or not. And your 'friend' has no business asking you to delete a contact for his benefit; in fact, that would be out of order even if you were his wife, which I gather you are not.

SignedUpJust4This · 08/05/2019 11:58

How old are these people OP? Sound v immature

Loopytiles · 08/05/2019 12:01

They sound sexist and disrespectful. Avoid.

Cynara · 08/05/2019 12:02

Everyone in this scenario needs to grow up.

Mummyofboyss · 08/05/2019 12:11

All my previous relationships have been very toxic and its all I've ever grown up with so I really struggle with boundries it seems. I've been trying hard to cut people out but since I seem to be drawn towards these people I'm left with almost no one.

Were all under 25 so still young although I feel like I've been through a lot and consider myself to be fairy mature for my age so often unsure whether I'm taking things a bit too seriously

OP posts:
RogersVideo · 08/05/2019 12:22

I think this friend does lust after you a bit but knows you're not interested. He might be misrepresenting the relationship he has with you to other people (hence the Snapchats to other people and his ex being upset?).

At any rate, he doesn't seem to respect you very much.

ImNotNigel · 08/05/2019 12:26

Cut contact.

Stop shagging these random FWB who don’t respect you.

Work on your self esteem. Develop your career, take up a sport or hobby, make new friends.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/05/2019 14:33

Wow he's a nasty bit of work really, isn't he? Definitely not someone I'd want to call a friend.

Swap it round so that he's female and he'd be a proper 'frenemy'. Fairly insulting towards you, puts you down (yep, referring to you as a 'trophy' belittles you - makes you seem superficial and an ornament, but not a real friend... more something you keep around because it looks nice). Demands things of you - how fucking dare he think he has any say in who you have on your SM? Even if he were a boyfriend that would be a big fat no. As a friend it's utterly WTF. So some bloke lazily comments that you should do x as he 'cba with the hassle from his ex' and you just do it? Like some kind of servant-friend?! Haha. No. The proper answer to that would be 'Well, mate, that's kinds your problem to sort. Delete people off my SM? Sorry - CBA!'

This isn't a friend, it's an immature and very very misogynistic bloke who has you down as a female hang-about who he can basically treat fairly badly, because you're female, and his shitty mates are even worse. Yep, guaranteed if you could hear what they say behind your back you wouldn't like it. Dump the lot of them. Literally havign NO friends would be better than hanging round with these little Beavis/Butthead losers.

Daenerys77 · 08/05/2019 15:00

You might need to ditch the toxic friends before you start looking for better ones. Some people, rightly or wrongly, judge others by their associates and might think if you hang around with trash, you are not good friend material.

JuniFora · 08/05/2019 15:37

They're not your friends, they don't respect you and they treat you like a lump of meat. Bin them.

You need to develop self esteem and boundaries so you can assert yourself and know who to reject from your life.

VanillaCoconutDove · 08/05/2019 15:44

I’d just be confused. I thought when I started reading the thread this male friend was talking about you being a trophy wife to your husband, but you aren’t married.

So it’s not even based on anything, other than saying he considers you decorative and not a lot else.

I’d suggest you work on your expectations and boundaries that someone who thinks of you in those terms isn’t a friend. He meets up with you because he wants to show you off to his make friends and then hide you from his female friends (women he’s possibly dating?) work upon your self esteem.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/05/2019 16:05

Are you married?
If not then how can you be a trophy wife!?
Anyway - do yourself a massive favour and sign up to do the Womens Aid Freedom Programme.
It will help you with boundaries, self esteem and avoiding fuckwits in future!!!

madamedeluxe · 08/05/2019 16:21

How does he know when you have been seeing your fwb? In other words he knows about your sex life. Who is telling him, you or the fwb? Inappropriate to say the least whoever it is.

Middersweekly · 08/05/2019 17:39

Said friend fancies you. It’s blatantly obvious. You don’t fancy him at all and have made that quite clear. So in order to knock you down a peg or two he’s cajoling and a bit insulting. I would do your best to ignore and avoid from now on. Also if you want to date someone make it a man outside your friendship group! They won’t be able to gossip then!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page