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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused - red flags?

6 replies

chickenfanette · 08/05/2019 04:40

Sorry if this is long/muddled, can't sleep for worrying! Not sure if I'm being overly harsh here, just feeling a bit blindsided. Been seeing new guy (met via OLD) for about a few months, was going well. I was aware he had some issues with mental health but he's having counselling and all seemed positive. I've been through similar so I do get it.

He'd previously told me he moved back to his home town after he split with his exP 4 years ago, to be closer to family. I also knew he had a relationship more recently which lasted 18 months but didn't work out.
What I didn't know until yesterday is that he moved directly from previous town to home town to move in with a woman he met on Tinder. They lived together for a year before splitting in Dec last year. He never mentioned that they lived together (I queried this but he said he wasn't hiding it, it just never came up. Personally I think that's quite strange. He's talked very openly about the partner before that, their house/pets etc). He also gave me the impression that this relationship ended a few years ago when actually it ended in Dec, he told me the reasons for the breakup as it was quite messy/traumatic. I felt disconcerted because while these weren't exactly lies, he had omitted some important details. For me personally, things like moving from one partner to another very quickly, moving in together quickly, and being misleading seem like red flags. Also on our 2nd date he explained that he currently lives with a housemate instead of having his own place, but was worried about telling me that, in case I thought he was just looking for someone to move in with. I did think this odd at the time but let it go. Now I'm wondering if he is precisely the type to do this!

After telling me these things last night, he then got funny with me and said he didn't feel he was in the right place for a relationship (which I was beginning to think myself tbh!) so I asked him to leave. I did follow up with a message to check he was ok, I've been nice and understanding, said take time to think etc, but thinking about it further, I actually feel he's not been entirely straight with me. I kind of left the door open with him but actually I don't think that would be good for my sanity. My gut says to delete, block and move on. He hasn't been rude/abusive but if I don't delete and block I know I'll be tempted to get back in touch.

Advice please if anyone's awake and you've got this far 🙂

OP posts:
Sammiejo12 · 08/05/2019 04:49

Trust your gut x

Decormad38 · 08/05/2019 04:52

Give him a wide berth. He’s been deceptive and that’s only going to get worse not better.

Itssosunnyout · 08/05/2019 04:55

Agree with pp trust your gut

MarieG10 · 08/05/2019 05:00

The fact you have asked here means you know there are serious red flags so give yourself a break and stay away from him

Aquamarine1029 · 08/05/2019 05:19

Jesus. He's a deceptive wanker. You already know you should bin him. Why are you trying to convince yourself otherwise?

chickenfanette · 08/05/2019 08:47

Thanks all, pretty unanimous then. I've deleted and blocked. Such a shame as I thought he was one of the good ones Sad

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