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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moving away from Narc ex

6 replies

LexMitior · 07/05/2019 22:08

It has taken me a long time to finally move house after a spectacular and nasty divorce from my narc ex. But I feel positive! Light at the end of the tunnel!

What I have noticed is that now, of all times, he seems to be invading my space again, lots of nasty digs, trying to curry favour with children, basically provocative behaviour to I think make me lose it.

I haven’t spoken to him for six years (except by email), and he’s coupled up now, apparently happily. I have never met her.

My question is, to all those who finally escaped narcs, did you find they cycled back when you were about to leave the family home, and how on earth do you deal with their patronising and craven attempts to provoke you?

Any tips appreciated!

OP posts:
CocoKoko123 · 07/05/2019 22:26

Minimal/No contact and 'grey rock'
Don't rise to anything and make yourself as boring as possible.
Log everything and keep all communications as evidence in case you need it for anything in the future

Cherrysoup · 07/05/2019 22:30

He should not be coming near you. Don’t allow you.

Possum123 · 07/05/2019 22:37

We didn't have a family home but when I bought a house and got a new, higher paying job my ex became increasingly abusive. He has settled down again though. He was obviously jealous of my success while he lingers in a minimum wage job. He couldn't even be happy that his children now have a nice secure home and that I have enough money to support them. Why he is an ex I guess.

LexMitior · 07/05/2019 22:41

Ah! That’s it. I thought, it’s him being angry that I’m moving on. He is quite successful so I can’t see that he would care about money, but he does seem to be getting at me via the children, suddenly dad of year, lots of input into things I do, spending more.

OP posts:
JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 07/05/2019 23:39

He probably realises that he has lost even more control. My ex husband is dreadful, there is deffo a cycle of abuse, which always results in him trying to gain control no matter how.
I do the gray rock with my ex but tbh it only works to an extent, we have young children so still have to see each other to some extent. I have put in some strong boundaries but hes forever pushing against them. Its more of a reflection of him than me!

LexMitior · 13/05/2019 23:42

And suddenly he has popped up again to say he wants the kids 50 per cent of the time and he’s no working so no maintenance. I can’t see him wanting that sort of lifestyle but any tips to get through this sort of mindfuckery?

OP posts:
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