To think what a shit attitude to women and your wife

[rubydiamondsapphire]

in the midst of separating! I asked my ex why we never had a joint bank account despite being married and me raising it several times. He said because his mother screwed his dad over for money and his ex wife did aswell.
I asked why he married me if he thought I'd screw him over and he replied separate accounts is better
He must have forgotten the huge deposit I put down on our house or the fact I've paid for all the work to be done. He must also have forgotten that I've paid for holidays aswell.

Well it turned out to be the right choice though didnt it? The question should have been asked back in the relationship.

Sorry I see you did ask. My point stands though. I'd never have a joint bank account with my husband, it works better this way.

Well, I would speak to my solicitor about the huge deposit and money for work.

I work part time now and find it odd we were married and didn't have a joint account

im never sorting someone else's life out again I swear

Joint accounts are great until things go tits up.

Can see his point

You made financial choices while in the relationship, he made different ones. Never sensible to “put yourself out” more financially than the other person is willing to.

Suggest focusing on getting the best possible financial settlement.

So whats yours is his and whats his is his .

It's the fact he knew that I wanted a joint account as I believed we can both benefit but didn't actually trust me enough. I swear I'm putting myself first in my next relationship

You're now his ex so he made what turned out to be the right decision for him. Starting the marriage with that distrust probably doomed it though.

It did doom it really. If he was financially fair and kept his promises we might have had a chance. He could never account for where his wage was going and it made me think secret debts

It’s an attitude about money in relationships, he just happens to be the man. I’m a woman and I have always refused a joint account.

I would never do joint bank accounts either, after a previous divorce it’s just to messy. I’m sorry but what you put forth for a deposit and work was your decision. You can only learn from it

Do you have to pay out to him on divorce? Hope you can keep your home

"I swear I'm putting myself first in my next relationship" which is exactly what he did for the same reason.

Having been through a divorce where we HAD a joint account and emptying it was pretty much first thing ex did within days of split when I was a sahm and he knew I'd no income I agree with him.

You don't need a joint account to have openness about finances and having one doesn't prevent someone from having secret debt.

When a man says his ex/insert woman here screwed him over for money what he means is 'got a fair settlement in the divorce after giving up work to raise children which wasn't viewed by the man as real work and therefore in his mind she was entitled to nothing'.

I would never do joint bank accounts either. There are definite pros and cons to having them and not having them. I know a lot of Mumsnetters feel they are an essential part of marriage. I think this importance is overstated though.

I think he's right actually.

We have a joint account that we both pay in to, it carries a float for bigger expenses, but our salaries pay in to our own accounts. If you paid now than he did on the home maintenance then get a solicitor.

He was right though...

Sorry to contradict but I prefer a separate account to DH as I’ve been screwed over in the past and I’ve since then spent too long with independent finances to share everything as I’ve found out the hard way that money does funny things to people when they’re angry and bitter.
Having said that my DH is generous with money and we pay half to most things. I understand his finances but recently I realised he didn’t even know how much I earn

I have a small joint account for food but would resist an all out joint account. Not because I’m hiding anything but because I’ve always been a bit funny (Scottish?) about money. I like to know precisely where I am financially, at all times, and having unexpected withdrawals would compromise that.

On the other hand we have settled into a certain rhythm. I pay all meals out, all drinks, all holidays and a bunch of other things. She gets mortgage and other things.

I guess by proxy we sort of have a joint account as in all expenses are shared but we retain ability the ability account on a daily (hourly?) basis.

Also, if you have a joint account then how can you take some money out and spoil your DP? Beautiful flower vases, bracelets, presents aren’t gifts if you bought them together? Doesn’t it loose some resonance if DP paid some of the dozen roses you sent?

I don’t, and will never have a joint account with my dh, for exactly the same reasons your ex has given. It’s not that I don’t trust him, I do. I’m just sick of having to take responsibility for someone else’s finances. I was always the sensible one and my ex the ‘spender’ which is fine, up until I have to sort out the lack of money to pay bills etc. This way I just leave my dh to it. If he can’t afford his mobile bill, or car insurance, then that’s his problem to deal with (actually he’s a saver too, so no real issue here). The lack of joint account has no impact upon a divorce anyway, you putting money into the house becomes half his in a divorce as does my savings should I divorce my dh.

ALovingSpirit are you a Scot?