DH and I are 20 years married. I would say that it has been a relationship of more than the normal ups and downs. DH was in the past controlling, emotionally and financially. This occurred as a result of him losing his job. Shortly after the job loss he became unwell with depression and anxiety, which I believe had been underlying all along. I was very supportive throughout, however combined these things caused a lot of difficulties for me personally and monetarily. Around the same time we lost a first pregnancy. We have lost a further few since.
Whilst time has moved on and we have had periods where things are 'okay' I find myself getting angry/ shouty at DH. I think this stems partially from the past, combined with feeling that he does not see his responsibility to assess and work on his behaviour and expects me to be the one to make the relationship work. He says this is just who he is. I do not want to end my marriage. However I do not know how to move forward. Whenever I try to encourage a calm constructive discussion about how I am feeling it ends in DH seemingly being unable to hear or deal with it. He simply tells me that I am being negative and he does not want negativity around him. I am really not an angry/ shouty person and do not have a history of difficulty dealing with my emotions. In fact I have always been seen as the rational, emotionally stable one who can 'deal effectively' with life's obstacles and diffuse conflict. I say this having recently spoken with a friend and for context only. I feel that my emotional health is otherwise balanced. Has anyone been in a similar position and found any way through?