Is he going to leave me?? Advice please.

[harrietkatie]

Hello!

Just a little back story:

I've been with my partner for just over three years now. Rocky start as we moved in with each other way too quickly. But we got over it and now we get on really well with the occasional argument here and there, petty things mostly!

I have a 7 year old, who has no contact with bio dad- he knows my partner isn't his bio dad but he calls him dad and sees him as that father figure. Partner is fine with this.

I do suffer from anxiety, and this has gotten in the way in the past. But I am now medicated and it has helped so much.

The last month I have started Roaccutane, as I have mild adult acne, and this CAN cause anxiety or depression. I'm still taking sertraline though.

Last week or so I have felt a little anxious. Not sure why, nothing has really triggered this.

Anyway; my mum owns a lovely villa in Spain, and earlier this year we asked if we could go in August. Brilliant as a cheap holiday for us three.

Today I was at work and I text my partner saying, shall I book Spain as the tickets will only increase. And he replied saying he's going to think about it. (We are not short of money and can easily afford this so it's not financial).

I said what do you need to think about and he replied saying that he doesn't know if he'll come or not. I queried why, as he can take the time off work, and it's a very cheap holiday and would be nice for us three to go away. His reply was 'just time I guess.' Which baffles me.

He then said 'I'll have a think baby'

I have no idea why he wouldn't want to go. And it's sent my anxiety through the roof as the only reason I can guess is that maybe he might leave me?! Am I being mad? Please be honest. I need a shake! I just can't think of any reason apart from that. We had planned to go earlier this year and it was all go. Any opinions?! Thank you! X

That does sound strange. Book it for yourself and DS. Then whatever happens with the relationship you will have your holiday.

Perhaps he was just busy at work and didn’t want to think about it right away?

We don't know, any more than you do, OP. You'll have to talk to him. Maybe Spain's too hot for him in August; maybe he wants to go somewhere else? If you don't get a proper answer though, just go ahead and book for you and dc. Dp can book a ticket for himself when he's made his mind up.

Yes maybe you are right. I just thought as we'd previous said ok to it, he'd just tell me to book the flights!

So you know he can definitely take the time off? That does sound strange, then.

Yes he works for himself @HollowTalk I know... he's home in a couple of hours so I'll be talking to him then but I just feel like I'm going to push him away with my anxiety.

How do you normally discuss and book going on holiday?

If he works for himself, maybe he is concerned about taking time off and losing money or clients and wants to wait until closer to the time to book when he has a better idea with work.

Without further explanation, he could have said that for any number of reasons. Don't assume the worst. I know it's different only three years in, but my DH sometimes doesn't go on holiday with his DP and their late teen/early 20's kids. He just can't be bothered sometimes, because he's busy at work and although he can get the time off, feels like he will have a mountain of work to come back to, or it will be hanging over his head the entire time. Other times he doesn't go because the holiday is to somewhere he doesn't want to go; it's too hot, too expensive, or he feels there is nothing interesting to do. Granted, he and his DP have been together over 20 years, but he's been like that for a while, and it has literally nothing to do with the people he is declining to go on holiday with.

Have the three of you been on holiday together before? Did he enjoy it?

Is there another reason he might not want to go?
Will your mother be there & does he not get on with her?
Has an offer of a lads holiday with mates?

I don''t think it follows he's going to leave you. It maybe he just doesn't fancy this as a holiday.

He might have a lot planned for work at that time and want to check that it is possible. Or he might just have been busy at the time you contacted him and wanted to concentrate on work and think about the holiday later. It isn't necessary anything more than that.

My Mother does similar to me when I am at work. She texts to ask about dates for holidays, details for items she is buying, etc. All things that I am interested in and want to talk about, but just not right there and then when I am busy with work.

You think he might be changing his mind about the relationship.

So what if he is?! Life will go on.

You, clearly, know how to be a single parent and I assume you have your own income.

It'll be nice if he remains in your life but, ultimately, never need someone to the point where it feels you with anxiety and desperation if they leave.