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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Old break up still confusing me

3 replies

MaiaRindell · 07/05/2019 15:24

After my marriage broke up (I instigated the break-up) I met a man who I had a relationship with for 7 months. He seemingly adored me. He sent me flowers, bought me presents, drove me to work, waited then collected me, drove 50 miles to bring me breakfast, sent me daily love songs, kept telling me he'd like to propose, bought a house with enough space for me and my kids and suggested we moved in temporarily etc.

I never introduced him to my two DDs despite him pushing for this but I overheard him once telling someone he had one DD and two step DDs. I thought it was moving quickly but I didn't feel pushed. I just didn't feel ready to be where he was.

Then, what felt like out the blue on my birthday, he broke up with me saying we didn't get enough time together. (my ex is very unreliable over seeing the kids)
I was very surprised, felt very rejected and confused. I wasn't heart broken. A few months later, he tried to get back together with me but I made it clear that could never happen.
The thing is, I'm now seeing someone lovely but I now don't trust things. I don't want to be taken by surprise again. I am looking for signs and clues that aren't there. I'm holding back and I don't want to. It's only been 2 months and I want to enjoy it. But I'm very confused. I am hoping someone can try to shed some light on the previous break up.

OP posts:
Preggosaurus9 · 07/05/2019 15:27

You did the right thing with man no 1. Stop second guessing yourself.

Some men are just a bit batty, you rightly are giving them time to show you that before you make a committment.

Man no 2. Is not the same person as man no 1. So don't expect the exact same story again Wink

NameChangeNugget · 07/05/2019 16:28

He obviously needed more from you, than you needed from him.

ChristmasFluff · 07/05/2019 21:19

Man number 1 was classic toxicity - love-bombing (the grand gestures), fast forwarding (trying to take things faster than you were comfortable with), future-faking (talking marriage and commitment early on), ruining a special occasion and then trying to hoover (suck you back in for more of the same) after dumping you. Well done you for not falling for it.

You know the signs now. Give man 2 time to unfold. Don't let Man 1 knock your confidence and self-esteem - things which served you well when you didn't let him knock you down and didn't let him back in your life. You had that in spades in relationships before him by the sounds of it, and by your actions. Toxic people can really shake your faith - but they all follow similar scripts, so enjoy your dating phase, and use it to be on the lookout for those familiar signs.

Good luck, OP! x

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