I lived with my mum and her ex husband between the ages of 8-18. There are various moments in my childhood that stick out in my mind and I wanted some advice on how to move past them. My step father was very controlling around the house - he would smoke heavily indoors though I begged him not to as I hated my clothes smelling of cigarettes as a teenager. He also removed light switches in all rooms of the house and had a control panel for them which he kept. You couldn't be still without a light turning off after a couple of minutes which was problematic in the evenings doing work in ones bedroom. He was very heavily into bdsm and I remember seeing lots of clothes/accessories in their bedroom and a chair that he had built and showed us which I now know was some sort of sex chair. He would walk round the house in just his boxers and on his computer in our family dining room the screensaver would be a woman dressed up in full bondage clothing. As I type this it hardly sounds like anything but these events have stuck in my mind and I'm now 29. On my 18th birthday he took me to a couple of local pubs throughout the day so I could have a legal drink and when we got home I sat on my bed (fairly drunk) and he grabbed at me. I seemed to sober up straight away and ran downstairs but never mentioned it to anyone apart from my dh. He also left an anonymous gift at our front door for me for that birthday which was a lacy thing, heels and matching corset. My mum thought it was from a boy but I didn't even have any boys that were friends at that time, let alone anyone who would have given me this present. A few months later he was taking my mums pills and sleeping tablets which she had for depression. They had a very turbulent relationship and he would cheat on her with both men and women, often bringing them over to our house. He also assaulted her on one occasion (that I know of) and he and my brother had a physical fight as he caught him hitting my mum. I know that he also raped her both vaginally and anally. A few months after I was 18 and he was taking these drugs, they had a very big argument on the phone and he told her he was going to kill her. My mum had him arrested and later that night we found a weapon wrapped up in his work coat on the sofa, to which I had a panic attack. They split up and we were immediately moved into emergency shelter and even had a panic alarm installed in our flat. She dropped the charges though and has always remained in contact. So much so, even though she is married again, her ex husband rents their spare room out in her house! I refuse to go there but she just tells me you need to "forgive and forget". I actually have nightmares about him still at least once a month even though I haven't seen him in years. Was this a normal upbringing with some totally shitty parts? Thank you if you've read this and made it to the end.