Marriage over and feel numb

[Rattleandhum]

Hi all
I’ve been with my husband for 17 yrs. 2 kids (1&3) and it’s been rocky since day one.
He’s been abusive towards me (emotionally, physically at times too) then we (me) try to fix it before he pulls me back (rinse, repeat) for years. They say hope springs eternal and that’s a very good way to describe my feelings. He is so nasty towards me. I’m sad and sorry to say that after so long putting up with it and desperately trying to fix/save a relationship that I had so much hope for, I’ve become nasty (verbally) too. I’ve felt like I had to stick up for myself when he was calling me names and telling me how shit i am. I’ve been giving it back to protect myself and ignoring his constant criticism and put downs....and so he now calls me emotionally abusive! I’m honestly not, I’ve just been trying to survive all the crap he and his horrible family throw at me without having a breakdown!

I gave up a very good career to look raise our children. I can’t get back into that as I have been out too long and have zero support from family/friends re our two preschool children in terms of childcare etc. I have no income to even buy an outfit for an interview.

Yet I’m feeling heartbroken.

He has left me tonight and the house feels so empty.

It’s dawning on me that I’m on my own after 17years, a marriage which I hoped would be a happy one and be forever. My children are now from a broken home. I’m unsure what lies ahead in every respect. I am currently in the house we own together whilst he lives with relatives but he won’t be happy with that for long. I can’t afford to start the divorce process, or fund legal costs whilst it went on.

I feel so lost and its beginning to really sink in that the life I hoped for, for my husband and I with our children is over

What type of work did you used to do and how long have you been out?

You can definitely find a nice suit and shoes at 2nd hand store.

Have you rang a solicitor or WA at all to find out about what is available for you?

It’s time to restart and be free to recreate yourself. Yes, you are on your own, you are on your own! Free from abuse! Don’t let him back. Call Woman’s Aid in the morning to get help.

Start documenting the times he was physically abusive to you. You may hav drought back verbally, it’s not the same as starting it nor the same as physically being abusive. He was also most likely financially abusive.

Look at this as the start of your new life. .

Op start planning a better future, the past sounds truly horrible!

Get google to help you with even the most basic CV and make a list of possible jobs however entry level they may be.

Freedom is your friend and anything will be better than the hell you have been living in, forget the past you cannot change it , start living today, and that future starts with a job to give you some financial freedom.

You can get back into your work, your eldest is only 3 so haven't been that long put of it. I was a sahm for over 10 years and I got back into work no problem. Had to do little catching up but was fine. Look into what benefits you would get and how to get back into work.

Surely a broken home is better than how you've been living? Better for the dc too.