Sex after childbirth

[peacepaz]

I just had my first child six weeks ago. My husband and I decided to take a date (3 hours) to rekindle our relationship. At the end, we attempted to get intimate again which I wasn't too enthusiastic about, but the doctor advised six weeks. I tore and had stitches during birth. Sex never was accomplished. It was sore and unpleasant, so I quit after five seconds. Will our intimacy be damaged for a long time? I don't even have any sex drive at all. My DH was very understanding and said we can try again next month :( I should be grateful I'm a mother, but I feel damaged physically and emotionally.

The advice for 6 weeks, is wait for six weeks as a safe minimum - not That you have to do it at 6 weeks.

You just pushed a human out of your vagina! You tore or were cut and had stitches, in a very very sensitive area!!

There are many ways to be intimate without penetration. Dial it back a notch and go 10x more slowly than you think you need to.

It does get better, it just takes time.

(And I say this as someone who tore upwards, had an episiotomy, and had stitches that got infected and burst before the cut healed.)

One thing about giving birth which was never made clear to me is that the recovery is ongoing for months or (so I’m told) even years. You will recover so much more than you have done so far.

I wish I had known this. I was in a bit of a state at 6 weeks and pretty upset as I thought that was how I would be forever. But even now at nearly a year the difference is indescribable.

So I’m sorry you’re having a tough time but 6 weeks is nothing in the scheme of your recovery and I’m sure things will be back on track soon

Are you breastfeeding? My best friend had no sex drive while she was, no real interest. Physically, I was ready about six weeks but had a small premature baby and minimal tearing. She was six months with a big baby and lots of tearing.

I had an episiotomy and we didn't even attempt sex til 12 weeks later and it was still sore !
Don't expect to much of yourself too quickly , it wasn't until about 7/8 month post birth did sex start to feel ok but even now 14 months later I still have to go slowly and avoid certain positions .

Agreed. IIRC we left it at least two months after childbirth and then went very gently. But don't give up, it's important to nurture that side of your relationship, whilst recognising it will be different now you have a child. If you think it would help tell him you're happy for him to sort himself out for a few more weeks - my wife encouraged me to do this and although at first I felt awkward about it, things soon settled down and we resumed an active sex life which we sustained all through our child raising years and beyond.

It's a slow process and you have to let yourself heal and every woman is different. I physically could not have had sex before 3 months, nothing was getting in 🙅‍♀️ but painless sex didn't happen until about 6 or 7 months post partum. And I didn't have any stitches (although I'm pretty sure I had a prolapse because could always feel something there). It is good dh is on your side.

Not sure where the random female symbol came from...

@jeanniebaby44 I take it that your birth caused no traumas or ongoing issues , lucky you ! Not everyone is so lucky unfortunately

3rd degree tears here. Managed it at 3.5 months but was painful. Gradually got better so was only painful on entry. Took a full year-18 months for no pain at all. You’ll get there. Take it slowly. Glad your dh is supportive.

I think some women use childbirth to put off having sex again

IF that were true, it would be sensible to follow through and consider why these women need an excuse not to have sex and don't want it. After all, it's supposed to be mutually enjoyable.

Op, don't worry, it's still very soon and if you weren't particularly keen on doing it or scared, then better to wait a bit. You can be affectionate in other ways and when you're ready try it gently.

jeanniebaby44 how is that remark helpful to the op?
Op it will get easier, no doubt about it. It's normal for your sex drive to take a bit of a nose dive even if you didn't have birth injuries. Tenderness, dryness, tiredness, worries about how your body looks, and that's before you take into account that you have a tiny human who depends on you for survival 24/7. Your dh is happy to wait, so take your time, it will be worth it when you are raring to go again!

I couldn't imagine childbirth would be the better alternative to no sex honestly. That sounds like a serious issue with some underlying things that need to be addressed. But, thanks for all your responses it makes me feel relieved that I'm not the only one out there. My DH just asked how do women go right back to having another baby. I honestly have no idea. It wouldn't be the predicament I'd want to face

So much has changed and youve become different people to an extent so be gentle on each other and spend some time. Next time try a lot of lube and back to basics to see if you can get more in the mood with some heavy petting style stuff- maybe fingering etc. Working up to full PIV sex.
I do remember just wanting to get that first time over and done with though- despite it being a bit sore etc. It was like losing my virginity and took a few times to begin to feel normal again. 3/4 of my births were assisted deliveries...