When do you know it's over?

[Mumhambra7]

When do you know your marriage is over? At the moment different parenting styles is an issue. What worries about seperatin is kids splitting their time between us both and me not being there with them ....

For me I guess it was when I lost my fight. When I couldn't be bothered arguing any more. I realised he would never change. I gave up.

It was still hard though and I still had doubts.
But that was the thing that was new.

I'm going through this at the moment he's just told me he don't want to be with me anymore and told me everything that he hates about me
Example I'm not as slim and pretty anymore and I don't try make myself up with makeup n over the top clothes
I have had 3 kids with him n I put on a lot of weight and don't have time for sun beds and shit anymore
I'm actually heartbroken he feels like that

When a future with him in it looked a lot scarier than one without him. Nine years later on now and I have never regretted it.

When I told myself I was doing it for our daughter and nothing else. I planned to stay until she was older. I lasted 6 weeks from making that decision to telling him it was over.

When the thought of spending the next ten, twenty or thirty years (or however many you might have left) with your OH fills you with dread. I mean, if you feel like that for a few days or even a couple of weeks, and that feeling passes, that's one thing. But if the feeling persists for months or years, it can't be a good sign.

For me, it was the realisation that I had no interest in going to couples counselling to "fix" our relationship, because I didn't want to "fix" things, I just wanted out. So, if you still want to try to "fix" things, maybe there is still hope. But if you no longer want to try, I think it is probably too late.

Caveat is that I have only very recently told dh I want a divorce. I feel sure it is the right decision for me but time will tell. And, in case you are wondering, I would say I tried for a decade or so trying to make things better, whilst dh denied there was any problem.

My DH just smacked our toddler because he wouldn’t stay in bed.
I told him it’s unacceptable and he’s lost control.
He doesn’t see a problem.
Everything was fine and now this . Is it over?

Hi OP, I feel v similar to you right now. Part of me wants to finish things but I can’t imagine only seeing kids 50 percent of the time. I would find that so so hard that I end up staying.

When you just don't care anymore. When they ask you to make a cup of tea and you would rather die from dehydration than make them one. When every little thing they do grates the hell out of you. When you build a duvet wall down the middle of the bed so that you can't feel their body heat let alone them touching you.

Then it's time. It took me a long time to realise that these were signs that I wasn't happy in that relationship.

I finally listened to what I had known for many years, that our marriage was loveless. I never thought I'd have the guts to do it, I'd never do that to my dc. 3 years on and truly it's the best thing we could have done. The dc are thriving and I've met a wonderful man who I love dearly.

Btw - knowing it’s over and actually doing something about it doesn’t always happen at the same time.
For me it happened gradually.....
Woke up once, several years ago and realised I didn’t love him.
But kids were still small, so busied myself with them.
Over the last few years kids grew up a bit. And we grew further and further apart. And eventually it got to the point of it being unbearable to stay.
This is when you know you need to act.
So - don’t put pressure on yourself! Take your time to figure out what you want and need.

Thanks all for your comments. Jsku your point resonated thank you.

Bebebeouf, not sure what to say, how do you feel?

Three random words - I sometimes suggest councelling, but deep down suggesting as a way to help us split up. Have positive & ' myeu' days at moment

Despite it all still trying and talking but having blips

I’m losing my fight and energy for it. I believe he already has but doesn’t have the guts to say it out loud.

If there is abuse then you have to leave but divorce is not an easy road so is worth making sure it is right and not a blip.

Parenting difficulties could be resolved if both parties are willing to take outside help to improve communication.
We did counselling and I bought every relationship book I could, I changed how I reacted but nothing improved and I still walked on eggshells. When I saw it was impacting the DC (as Ex would try to bring them on his side) I knew it was hopeless and for their sake I had to leave.

I think you do know when the end of road is reached, it is when you feel you have tried everything and you know you can leave without regret.

Without regret.

^ I think, we could finish as friends, not really bothered but a plus, I suppose. We would need to stay in our family home for finance reasons I’m ready to let him do his thing and me start again.

Such a waste, wish things were different but they aren’t