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Original poster

Does anyone wish they hadn't had kids?

58 replies

user6hty · 06/05/2019 19:06

I would really like them to the point where it is making me so miserable and all consuming. I want to get some perspective. would anyone go back to child free years if they could and never have DC? if so, why?

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 06/05/2019 20:01

No I’ve never regretted them and I have had a third as the older 2 started secondary which seems abhorrent to most people! Also have a puppy just to add to the teens and toddler mix! I love having them. I knew I always wanted them. I did a fair bit of travelling and messing around in my 20s so I don’t feel I’ve missed out.

pivotagain · 06/05/2019 20:12

I can honestly say never. My 20 year d daughter is my absolute best friend. We laugh until we cry together. I shudder to think what I would do without them. I have 3.

megletthesecond · 06/05/2019 20:16

It doesn't get easier. 12 and 10 here and the arguments are louder, the stubbornness is impossible to resolve and they're much fussier than they were as toddlers.
They don't settle down until after 9pm and often don't stop going on or moaning until 10pm. I'm numb through tiredness and boredom.

Wadingthroughshit · 06/05/2019 20:23

I am a good mother, I tell me children I love and adore them everyday and do everything for them, take them everywhere. But yes, I regret having them when I did, I was 22 and 27, far too young. It is relentless. I am an introvert, I get very overcrowded by them at times, to the point where I know I must come across as passive aggressive, which makes me feel terrible. it is bloody hard work, endlessly guilt ridden, and a constant juggle. I love them to pieces, but I really wish I'd waited.

tootruetoyou · 06/05/2019 20:25

It's too complex for a straight regret/don't regret. There's so many factors and feelings change depending on age and stage. I wanted kids so much and could not have my own so adopted two. Wow, what a shock to the system but hanging in. They are now 11 and 9 and it is getting easier. I don't regret them but l certainly don't look at childfree women with pity like l used to! There's pros and cons to both.

onemorecakeplease · 06/05/2019 20:32

No I don't regret them at all

I love having them and being a mum

It can be stressful at times juggling work and dc - especially when they are ill, but mainly they bring joy everyday!

Mumofone1593 · 06/05/2019 20:35

I don't regret my son but I started trying for a baby planning it would take a year or so to get pregnant. If I knew it would have taken a week I would have done so much differently! Gone on couples holidays, saved more, drank myself silly! I don't know, I love my son but I definitely miss my old life, I'm mostly just a mum and provider now.

applesarerroundandshiny · 06/05/2019 20:38

What position are you asking from OP? I mean do you plan DC in future or are you in the sad position of not being able to have DC?

Liskee · 06/05/2019 20:39

There are days when I dream about my before children life...but I waited too long for them and there's no way I'd give them up. If I'd never had them I think I could have accepted being child free and been happy, but I wouldn't turn back time just to not.

GoodPlaceJanet · 06/05/2019 20:43

I've never regretted them. My main goal in life was to become a mother and I adore my children. However, it is hard, it is relentless, it is thankless and restrictive. I feel it's a shame that being child free seems to have such a stigma attached to it as I truly believe parenting must be so so hard if it's not something you truly want for your life.

Zofloramummy · 06/05/2019 20:44

I wish I’d started younger (I was 35) so I could have had 2. But on the other hand there is only me and dd. We are incredibly close. I honestly couldn’t imagine life without her. She is infuriatingly messy, funny, artistic, and wonderful.

I think the best thing I ever did was become a mum. I wouldn’t change that choice. I would value some time to myself. I can be a hermit and enjoy my own space!

pastaparadise · 06/05/2019 20:45

too true i agree its hard to give a straightforward answer. I have 2 under 5, waited until late 30s to have them, and generally feel very lucky and love them to bits. But there are moments i yearn for my old life and to be childfree for a while. I'm on holiday and spent a while this afternoon wistfullu looking at childless couples enjoying drinks and relaxing on the beach, while i had playground duty, a rushed pizza before they had a meltdown, and endless squabbles to sort out. I think lots of opportunities have now gone as they have to be put first.

You gain some things and lose others, but dont think as i used to that you cant be happy without them. Maybe the grass isnt always greener

sar302 · 06/05/2019 20:50

I don't regret him, but having had him, and a life before him, I think I would have been completely happy without children. My husband would not have been however.

We're only having one. He's 17 months now, and I'm happy every day that he gets older. I have no yearning at all to do it all again.

We were discussing today it would be great if they just came with a "Pause" button...

Anytime · 06/05/2019 20:53

I don't regret them BUT they are truly life changing. I was ready for them as we were quite old when we had them. If I'm honest I wish I had started early to mid thirties to have longer after them whilst I was still a little younger!

MynameisJune · 06/05/2019 20:58

Never regretted a minute, although she is only 3, we waited until we’d achieved a lot of what we wanted and I’m glad we did. I can honestly say I never think about my old life before her. DC2 is due any day now as well.

I do think lots of people have kids that probably shouldn’t because they feel society dictates it. I think a lot of people under estimate how hard and relentless it is and then resent their kids for that. DH and I agreed when DD was born that for now our lives would take a back seat and having accepted that maybe it’s been easier for us to transition rather than expecting things to stay the same and trying to have it all ways.

missmouse101 · 06/05/2019 21:00

Yes, I do absolutely regret having them even though of course I love them. I find being a parent utterly restricting and quite terrifying. I've lost so much and am trapped for years. Children are over rated in my brutally honest opinion. The nice times do not outweigh the bad times and the cost is horrifying.

Middersweekly · 06/05/2019 21:01

@formerbabe yes it is definitely easier when the children are old enough to look after themselves and/or the younger ones if you want to pop out for a meal etc. My eldest is 16 so I can now (after many years) do this. I can’t go on holidays etc but it’s a start! I also feel like my children are now turning into their own people which is a blessing and a curse lol! But...I love them all the same, and when they are adults I hope they are all close and look out for each other.

snowdrop6 · 06/05/2019 21:01

I could understand why someone would think that op..but mine are a delight now they are adults.its like having the supportive extended family I always wished for..I don’t rely on them,but just having a adult conversation with them it’s just lovely

girlintheglass · 06/05/2019 21:04

The best thing I have ever done was have my 2 girls. Waited till I was 35 and had them both in a year. They are hard work at times but I just love it

snowone · 06/05/2019 21:12

I don't wish I'd never had them but I do miss my child free life at times. I have 2 DD the youngest is 7 weeks tomorrow and I am sooooo tired and feel sooo guilty on my older DD. Being a parent is hard and testing but it's also very rewarding. I also wish I'd had them a bit younger but didn't meet DH till my very late 20s

Yabbers · 06/05/2019 21:14

No. It's been the best thing I've done so far.

MacrosomicMumma · 06/05/2019 21:14

The honesty in this thread is so refreshing. I've just had a day of being a totally rubbish parent (heavily pregnant again, no sleep, feeling a fool for even thinking about having 2...).

I love my daughter, she's an incredible human being, but I miss me and my old life so much.

cowcowsalsa · 06/05/2019 21:16

No I don’t regret my children. What I regret is not having started earlier so I could have had a couple more by now. Will still have a couple more though if all goes well.

Kittykat93 · 06/05/2019 21:19

I would never for a second regret my son, no. But do I miss my old life? Every day. I am chronically sleep deprived, dealing with screaming tantrums every day, no time to myself, up at the crack of dawn, every day revolves around them. It's just relentless.

I have felt pretty low at times and wondered if I've made a mistake, but there's no point in thinking like that. He's brilliant, and funny and the absoloute love of my life. He's 18 months so a tricky age and hoping it will get better.

I won't be having any more though. One is plenty enough Smile

SimonJT · 06/05/2019 21:20

If I could go back and decide not to have my son I think I probably would. I love him to bits, but coping with the way my life is now is very hard and largely very lonely.