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Original poster

Husbands unacceptable behaviour - fear of losing him

16 replies

Melanie1811 · 06/05/2019 17:58

Been with husband 4 years, we have a 2 year old. From the beggining of our relationship i struggled with fear of losing him. We got pregnant really quick and I always felt he is with me because of baby. There were times when he admitted it’s true and he’s not sure he would stay if I didn’t get pregnant. I tried to give him so much freedom in fear of losing him. After my son was born not much changed for him. He goes to gym every day after work. Sometimes just don’t come home. Not much family time. I’m getting fed up. This week my family from Poland came and he didn’t wanna see them so I made up excuses that he had emergency at work(he was home watching football). I don’t know where to go from here. Any advice?

OP posts:
Dippypippy1980 · 06/05/2019 18:02

So sorry, this sounds awful. He’s not In the relationship - he doesn’t sound like he wants to be there.

I think it’s time to have a frank conversation - but prepare to hear some unpleasant things. I think this relationship might be over, you deserve better and your child deserves better.

AsleepAllDay · 06/05/2019 18:05

Your fear may come true but with it is the relief that it finally has happened and that your life will go on.

You sound like you want a committed partner and parent. He does not want to be that person, so it may come to letting him go.

Which is a shade of difference from 'losing' him. A man who doesn't want to spend time with your family or child can show himself out, as far as I am concerned

Original poster
Melanie1811 · 06/05/2019 18:06

We had a conversation about it recently and he said he loves me and wants to be with me Hmm.... but i dont think he feels strongly about it

OP posts:
rodentattack · 06/05/2019 18:06

Ugh, never mind what he wants. Why would you want to stay with this manchild? What does he give you, and how does he improve your life? You deserve much better.

Dippypippy1980 · 06/05/2019 18:09

If he won’t fully commit to you and his child then I think it’s time to call it quits. You will have years of frustration and disappointment ahead.

He will let you both down time and time again. I would rather end it myself now than watch the relationship die slowly.

AsleepAllDay · 06/05/2019 18:10

What do you want?

blue55 · 06/05/2019 18:11

Why do you want to continue this charade?

Accept he's not that interested in your relationship, separate, move on. Eventually you may find someone who does want to be with you and who will treat you as you deserve. Guarantee you'll be happier alone and knowing where you stand than carrying on with this emotional minefield. It sounds pointless tbh.

Original poster
Melanie1811 · 06/05/2019 18:29

The thing about this relationship is that we are very sexual and i never met a guy like that. So I’m so scared of going back to guys having sex once or twice a week Sad but I miss having someone who really wants me!

OP posts:
AsleepAllDay · 06/05/2019 18:55

You've never met another guy with a high sex drive? Are you sure you've met enough men?

There are plenty that way!!!

AsleepAllDay · 06/05/2019 18:57

He may as well be a fuck buddy - doesn't come home, doesn't prioritise childcare, but it's okay because you have lots of sex?

The emotional drain and that in some ways you're a single parent isn't worth it. As soon as he meets someone who offers him something permanent, he'll be off

category12 · 06/05/2019 19:05

He won't value you if you don't value yourself. If you've just accepted him not coming some nights and cover for him with your parents, then the bar of behaviour for him is so low that I'm not sure how you can change things.

NineinaBed · 06/05/2019 19:11

You want to stay with a guy who clearly doesn't love or respect you so you don't have to have sex once or twice a week with someone else, REALLY?

Quartz2208 · 06/05/2019 19:23

You need to clearly define boundaries in the relationship and see what happens - at the moment he has a lot of sex and none of the other responsibilites

HE is not being a father either to your son

rodentattack · 06/05/2019 19:24

Melanie1811 Men with a high sex drive are ten a penny, and not all of them will treat you like crap! My bf is amazing in bed and this morning he let me have a lie-in while he made breakfast for my children, then spent this afternoon gardening with them. Lesson: you can find a man who ticks waaaay more boxes than this dude.

HypatiaCade · 06/05/2019 22:32

I think he quite likes you and would prefer to not be without you. That is VERY different from loving you and wanting to be with you. Is that what you want to settle for?

SandyY2K · 06/05/2019 22:41

His actions don't match his words. He wants to live a single life and you need to face your fears and tell him what you want from the marriage.

If he doesn't want that or can't be the husband you want, then you need to decide if this is the life you want for you and your son.

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