When you've reached your limit with your dc&dh

[Wouldyouorshouldyou]

Basically this! I'm fed up with being responsible and parenting and utterly sick of compromise and negotiation.

I feel totally taken for granted. My children are 6&12 and they have got to me over the past couple of days. I have lost my temper today and I'm not proud of it but I've really had enough.

I don't want to cook another meal that is rejected, or tidy up after everyone. I'm fed up of having to push to get homework done. To get children dressed, to get to school each day or to get rooms tidy. I'm sick of listening to kids fighting and demanding attention.

My children have push every button I have over the past week and I've snapped. My DH and children are waiting for tea and I'm so angry I don't want to cook for them. I want to run away to a spa hotel for a week and not come home.

If you look on the website for The Organised Mum Method (not just for Mum’s) there are free printable sheets showing what needs to be done every day around the house. Might be worth sticking some of those up. And maybe writing down a few very basic recipes in a notepad. Should you have to? No. Might make life easier though! Glad you got a nice bath anyway!

Think of three simple meals....type, print and laminate a recipe for each. Type print and laminate instructions of how to clean up the kitchen.

All the laminated prints should be kept in a file in the kitchen ready for use, and when you feel it appropriate the children can also learn.

If you want long term change this is what you have to do, or this cycle will just continue. It won't make everything better but will at least make life more tolerable.

Maybe start giving the children some small responsibilies also like sorting and bringing their washing down and putting the clean clothes away, washing dishes and vacuuming.

Keeping their own rooms tidy is an absolute minimum.

Dear OP, your original post could have been written by me (minus the DH as I'm a single mum).

You know what your DH needs? It's practise - more opportunities to make tea, dinner, breakfast, lunch. In fact, every meal. Then he won't need to ask you.

Similarly, if my DS asks too many questions about how to vacuum or load the dishwasher or does a crap job, then I give him even more practise at the task. It's amazing how quickly he gets the hang of it when I tell him "oh you just need more practise and then you'll be really good at the chores".

Why the holy fuck should the op make laminated cards to stop her husband being a dick. Aspergers or not

I think you need a proper sit down with him and a real talk. End of the line type talk. He needs to start taking responsibility

Welcome to parenthood !!

Welcome to Parenhood
what a crock of shit!
This is not parenthood !
Its one partner being disrespectful and allowing the other to shoulder the entire burden .
As for making a grown man laminated cards 🙄

Although I get the reasoning behind the laminated cards I feel it may not be recognised as helpful but the principal can be taken and used by reminding DH of the things the kids like to eat that he makes. The food side falls into me because I do the shopping and cooking as I work nearer to home so I am home first. DH is not hopeless but doesn't recognise needs unless it's spelt out to him. His communicative ability and frequency is not always present and if he can only focus on one thing at a time. He loses his temper alot faster than I do.

The laminated cards was more a makeshift recipe book and visual prompt until he gets into the swing of it.....for the posters who chose to be facetious 😁👋 - having it written prevents the strategic incompetence element of "I don't know how to" and the continuous heel dragging element of asking endless questions.

OP if he has a couple of tried and tested meals he can do from mind then could you allocate him a couple of nights a week or so to cook, and use a whiteboard rota/ticklist for housework?

Are the kids pretty good or are they following in his footsteps would you say?

My DC is ASD so can very much relate to the focussing on one thing and overload meltdowns, and also the lack of urgency/regard for things that to us are obvious. What you have to remember though is that he's an adult and whilst you will make allowances you won't be walked allover!

You should go over to the parent with aspergers thread. Might be helpful

Partner even

I had similar with DH, luckily I don't work so I went to my dad's for 2 weeks. His behaviour improved massively after that. That was about 4 years ago and he's still better.

I wasnt being facetious Closet I was perfectly serious .
Why on earth should the OP be the one to solve this issue by doing even more work ?

Presumably this man managed to eat prior to meeting the OP ?

How does he hold down a job? Serious question.

Parenting a DS with AS I aticipated these future situations:
I sat down and wrote scripts, for ex. "Washing" starting in tiny stepts from how to decide if sth needs washing - ending with what to do when it's dry. Written once, talked through once - he does the washing on his own.
Same with basic cooking - instructions in tiny steps - written down, talked through once etc.
A plan about basic daily routine on a pinboard.
My work load (and that of a potential future partner) has decreased massively. He knows what he needs to function and can ask for it, too.
@ParkingIInPlainSight
Same for his future job - he will (despite being academically gifted) not be able to function in an unstructured environment, so we already started looking for the right fields (IT, admin, archives etc.)
And then there is the / his almost all consuming fear of doing it wrong.

From experience - don’t print things off, don’t make lists for them. However specific and detailed you are they’ll find a reason to come ask you questions - because it’s not a good-faith request for help, it’s a control tactic.

Imagine if these men were this helpless at work...

I absolutely agree that OP shouldn't have to do even more work sock, the reasoning behind it was more short term one off task for long term pay off.

That's why I think it's very important to assign jobs to children and teach them how to look after themselves, so that when they are adults they're proactive in these matters.

There's no excuse for this type of behaviour, but I don't think in this particular case it's down to mysogyny or spite if that makes sense.

Great question parking I'm curious to see the answer

Just in the beginning stages of preparing this for ASD dd @Prokupatuscrakedatus great to hear it's been a success ☺️

Agree - can he manage at work? if he can manage at home, he can manage at work. He just doesn't seem to think he needs to. I'd be telling him straight that it makes it seem as though things to do with the house and the kids are beneath him, but perfectly fine for you, and that's just plain insulting.

Also, sit the children down and have a talk about their responsibilities around the house. They can manage more than they are doing now. Part of parenting is teaching them that everything doesn't just get magically done and, as a family, everyone needs to do their bit.

My son is at a special school due to the severity of his autism.

He enjoys cooking and is storming his way through a catering BTEC.

And yes, I know autism is different in everyone. But I think he’s not cooking because it suits him.

@Closetbeanmuncher
It really does work (even for my severely autistic DN) - but what i did not forsee was the sheer amount of things I picked up simply by growing into it, or wittnessing it. So to cut "making a frozen pizza", "how to be a playdate host", "how to birthday party" etc into enough tiny steps was an eye-opener for me.

Your 6 and 12 year old’s should be doing far more for themselves. Prompt them to do homework once, if they still forget then that is their issue and they will face the consequences. You are not their PA. They should also be tidying up after themselves. I suggest starting a chore chart, I have done this and it works wonders.

Your DH is a bit of an arse tbh. My DP was lazy to begin with so I simply stopped picking up after him and he has learnt.

Meh. If he can hold a job he can cook pasta. Or google how to cook pasta. Without it having to be broken down into tiny steps by the OP.

I think this has been a success, OP. You should gin fuelled baths more often! I know you say he has Asperger and asks lots of questions, but it sounds like learned helplessness. Google will help him to cook stuff, you don’t need to. It’s about time he stepped up.