I’m not sure how I feel

[Strawbs455]

4 dates in, he’s sweet and kind and funny, but it’s just not all there for me in terms of lust/“the spark”. I enjoy hanging out and like him as a person but have had this feeling from our first date. He seems quite into me. Do I end it and, if so, what is the most sensitive way of doing this? Sex is on the cards soon and it’s not something I want to do really, especially soon. I’ve been treated awfully by men and want to be respectful.

I would just be honest with him and tell him you would love to continue meeting up but just as friends. Maybe something can develop over time if you maintain a good friendship but IMO not having any spark in the early stages is a recipe for disaster if you continue dating.

100% do not have sex if you 100% don't want too. That's the most important thing. Why do you think it's on the cards?

Its odd, we have kissed lots and been very affectionate (he is quite protective and sweet which I love) - I really like those elements. I enjoy kissing and have enjoyed it a lot more recently with him. I am stupidly comparing it to moments when I’ve been hopelessly in lust with someone though eg when I’ve wanted to tear their clothes off/the atmosphere was electric... and it’s not there for me. I’m mid twenties and he’s ten years older and a real gentleman. We have hit it off so much (it’s spooky how similar we are) but physically he is different from my normal type despite being attractive, and I’m really struggling with overcoming that

He has suggested we become exclusive and seems, in a nice/non pushy way, quite invested already. He has asked me to come back to his house but when I explained I wanted to take things slow, he has been lovely and respectful. I really couldn’t ask for more but something still seems amiss! I feel like a bitch but I just don’t see a future

Sometimes someone can be absolutely lovely but if the spark isn’t there then it isn’t there! My last bf on paper ticked a lot of boxes (intelligent, caring, quite attractive, lots in common, romantic etc). But I just didn’t “fancy” him enough and saw him more as a close friend. The guy I’m with now is all the things my ex was but I also fancy him like mad and we have so much chemistry together.
Don’t try and force yourself to feel a certain way for someone if you know deep down that it isn’t right

I had similar experiences to you, OP.

I married him.

There are literally billions of men in the world. Why settle?

You’re the prize, don’t forget that.

Don't accept average