so sad, so awful

[candygs]

I have 3 sons and 3 DIL's we all get on well, I feel so lucky to have such a warm and loving relationship with them all.
7 weeks ago my 34 year old DIL was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, my poor son sobbed down the 'phone to me, I was horrified and terrified. She was seen by an oncologist who gave them hope, telling them that aggressive cancer responds well to chemo, however the tumour perforated her bowel, she had urgent and life saving surgery and initially did well, but she went down hill and 14 days following surgery she has died. I went up to where they live (I live 300 miles away) last week and 6 days after I got home my son 'phoned and said "we have come to the end Mum" 24 hours later she died, she was 34, 34!! I don't know where to turn, I am so all over the place, so angry, so railing against the injustice of it, they have a 3 year old who won't even remember his mum. My son is clinging to his in-laws who must be broken.

I don't know what I want from this thread, how can I help my son, my grandson, how do people go on ……...

The very same thing happened to my brother, my SIL died from bowel cancer aged 36. They had 3 DC 2, 4 and 9 at the time. That was 10 yrs ago and he's done a great job off bringing them up alone. Such a terrible loss to all and a truly terrible thing to happen to a young family. Memory boxes for the children and a collage of photographs, and talking will keep her memory alive with her children and family.

My mum died aged 39 leaving 4 kids. I was the youngest at 7 and I don't really remember her. Something about your memories resetting at about that age.

What my family got wrong was not talking about it. So the sore has never really healed. When my sister died aged 38 we talked about her a lot and it helped us all heal. So my advice is talk but don't wallow.

Share memories again and again. A remembrance book would be lovely with shared stories from friends and family. So the kids can go back to them through the years and get a sense of who she was.

The first year we got loads of presents for Easter and Christmas which was a high point.

So sorry for your loss. My daughter died suddenly nearly 5 years ago, aged 26 leaving a 6 year old daughter. The first year was a blur.
Just go for day by day , seek help and take care of yourself.
Your and your families lives have changed - there is no getting over this it is life changing.
My son-in-law has recently remarried and we are happy for him.
Our lives and her siblings will forever be broken as she is no longer with us. 💔

So sad! Be strong, be there for your son and grandchild, sending love.

I am so sorry to hear such tragedy has occurred in your family, and so difficult for you to see your son in such pain. You sound like a very loving family and am sure the best place for you to be right now is with your son, just your presence will be enormously comforting and also to help out with your grandson. Their network of friends will, I am sure be a tower of strength at this very sad time and love and help will come from everywhere. My sister lost her son, my beautiful nephew, and at the time you wonder how life will ever go on. But it does, somehow strength is found where you didn’t know you had it, and in time you will start to heal. Sending you love and thoughts.

Am so sorry to hear of this dreadfully sad situation and a reminder that we are only as happy as our least happy child. I think knowing that you share his pain will be a comfort to him and maybe practical help with your grandson if you can go there and take him out/entertain him? I think people go on because they have to and time alone is what helps.

OP, you sound like a lovely mother, I’m so sorry for your loss! This brought tears to my eyes. Life can be so cruel

My heartfelt sympathy to you and all your family💐. It seems so wrong when good people, loved people, people with so much to give are taken like this.
I have nothing to offer apart from sympathy and hope you will find comfort and peace in the love you have for each other
Life is cruel - I don’t know why xxxx

Heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry.

My cousins husband died 8weeks after a bowel cancer diagnosis. The first 2 years were terrible she had a 7year old and her parents got her through it. She just kept going and now 5years on she has a new partner and life is moving on. She will never get over it her new partner is amazing and making sure his memorie is alive. But she has recovered. Your son will get there all the love ive watched this happen from the sidelines and its so sad xxx