How much do your PIL or partners family affect your life?

[rubydiamondsapphire]

Recently separated. Many issues but DH family and his refusal to grow a pair and have my back was one of them.
His family had a habit of turning up at the house whenever want it entertainment whilst not listening to anyone else. They regularly disturbed our child's naps and wound the dog up. I asked my ex to have a word but he wouldn't because they're old and I should understand

My partner only has a brother and he doesn't trouble us at all, in fact I'd like to be closer to him and hopefully one day will be. I don't have any family either, I was abused and split. So we both 'lucky' that we won't have troublesome family to deal with.

BUT in the past for me it has been different. I had one partner who like yours, his family would just come round whenever. Once I was erm, playing on the sofa one Saturday morning he was out and his mum and dad came round!!! When I asked him about them knocking maybe, he said 'I'll give them a key!'

In your case, I feel your pain. But you've split up now have you? So hopefully they won't come round to your place? Will you be moving out or will he?

Luckily mine live 6 hours drive away

They visit 3 times a year, stay in a hotel and i get pissed to cope with mother in laws witterings

Dh goes to them 3 times a year with kids and I have the weekend to myself

We used to do daft things like drive to see them for Christmas but me and dh work full time and now the kids are older they dont want to spend the holiday time in the car

he's moved out but his family have knocked and been ignored. It put a huge strain on an already crap relationship and was the final straw really.

I also won't be tolerating that side of the family dropping in unannounced now were not together. He can facilitate contact between them and our child.

Do they definitely know you've separated?

Yes they know. hopefully I'll get left alone by them.

I see PIL multiple times a week - the do some childcare for us. We also socialise with them and enjoy seeing them on special occasions.

But this works for all of us, we are all in contact via text and boundaries are maintained by all of us.

We all actually like each other so this has happened naturally over the last 14 years.

it's lovely merry if you've got a good relationship with them. I feel a bit resentful that I'm expected to listen to their moaning and complaining while my ex was at work

Of course Ruby - I know lots of people with stressful relationships with in-laws - it’s awful.

My MIL had a very difficult time growing up and I think she therefore values family a great deal and takes a lot of care.

I don’t have parents anymore and she only has sons so I think we fill a bit of a void for each other without any clashes. Eg she came wedding dress shopping with me which was lovely and she said she’d not thought she’d get a chance to do something like that. It might be trickier in different circumstances.

I think the other thing is my DH is on my side (obv only if I’m reasonable!) and will deal with stuff with them with no issue or prompting. That makes a massive difference I think.

My ex in laws were up there amongst the worst people I’ve ever met in my life. Ever. Thankfully I didn’t have DC so I’ve not seen or heard from them in almost 4 years and I never ever want to. They didn’t cause the split but the thought that dumping him meant never seeing them again spurred me on no end

They're not evil just unthinking and self absorbed. My ex wouldn't tell them and I just felt like he didn't have my back after we'd just had our first child