Separation

[red8]

Hi, husband wants to separate. Long story short, my mental illness has worn him down and he wants out. I'm now getting help for that (I refused before, thought I could cope). We need to stay in our house until we can sell it and then go our separate ways. We have one young child. Husband suggests we parent 50 50. Does something like this need to go to family court or can it be agreed between us? I plan to speak to a solicitor, but with it being a bank holiday, I need to wait. The waiting is killing me, so just need a little advice from anyone who has been in this situation. For the record, I don't want any of this... I want to get help and work at our marriage... so you can appreciate how tough all this is for me.

In terms of the separation and divorce it is preferable to work things out amongst yourselves but whatever you agree needs to be fair. So yes discuss the practicalities with him but in a calm and objective way. Don’t agree stuff because you feel guilty or sorry for him. Don’t demand stuff because you are angry or bitter.

Yes speak to a solicitor but make good use of the session. They are not therapists and you waste your money discussing emotions. Make sure you have a lot of information to hand about money. That is, how much the house is worth and your equity, value of savings and debt and whether either of you have pensions (a pension statement would be handy). You will need to be clear about the length of the marriage and whether you lived together before, provide details of career breaks linked to the marriage or health. That will help them give you some idea of what you will be entitled to.

You should also work the extent of your financial position post separation. What will your income be, take account of benefits and how much you could earn if you maximised your income.

If 50/50 works for the children and he can manage it then it is the way to go. He would be able to get that court ordered anyway.

In the meantime you need to accept his decision. It is far better to focus on your health and that you get better.

Thank you. I'm taking all the help I can get re: my health. Today is a bad day and your advice has helped me.