How do I communicate to dp that it's not the drama I have a problem with but the way he deals with it?

[DramaInTheLlama]

I have a long history of very easy going relationships, no drama. I am in my late 40s, divorced.

I have been seeing dp around 6 months. He's v loving, we have huge spark between us. But he has a vast amount of drama in his life. There's always someone being rushed to hospital, a friend or family member urgently needing him etc. At first I didn't believe him, but over time I'm beginning to realise these events do happen but it's the way he deals with them.

I don't know whether he is just not that into me or whether he 'needs' this drama. But when these 'dramas' happen, he totally withdraws, cancels any dates we have, pulls away and takes some time to come back to me. They maybe happen once a month so not all the time but enough that it's frustrating. And sometimes he's pulling out of stuff that's really important to me.

I need to talk to him about this but when I've tried before, he shuts down. I've told him I can't do unreliability but I'm now at the point where if we don't address this, I will need to break up with him even though when we are together it's really fantastic.

*his not is

Thanks. I think the difficulty I've had is that a lot of these sound genuine but even if they are, I do think there are ways of dealing with them where you can make other people feel reassured. It's that alone that makes me wonder whether all the dramas are real - I expect a lot is selfishness as you point out. And like stealth said, I can imagine he will create drama out of the break up! In fact I might just let it slide to avoid creating the drama!

I think the bottom line is that he isn't meeting my needs with his behaviour. I have never been out with or even known such an unreliable person. Goodness knows how you cope with people like this in your own family - you have my sympathy!