Postponing everything and feeling like I’m never moving forward

[Rspu1384]

I think about this every day so wanted some advice and sense knocked into me I guess to snap me out of it. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 8 years engaged for 4 he’s like my husband already as we’ve lived together for 6 years. We have said we would get married in 2020 and book the venue this year, but we need to have ivf and we are now on the nhs and got the ball rolling and timescales are it will be next year we will start our one free round on the nhs. We have both said instead of our wedding we would keep our savings and still save in case we need another round of ivf. I just think and feel we seem to be never moving forward, all my friends and sils/bils are having children & getting married very quickly I even have one sil who has had a baby and got engaged in the space of a year of knowing her husband!. Too quick I know!.
The questions are always asked at family socials about when’s the wedding when are we having any children. I lie and say no kids yet, and still looking for a wedding venue. I know there’s no rush but it just seems like we are never moving to the next step, in very happy with my oh and I love him he’s my best friend and we desperately want children. It’s breaking my heart and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m hopeless in a way.

Aw, so sorry to hear of your issues TTC and how fed up you're feeling.

Is a big wedding really important to you? Or could you do something really small and intimate, just the two of you, if being married is the end goal rather than the wedding? Not judging by the way - I did spend a lot on my wedding but if you're not that bothered could you sneak off the two of you, or just with parents, allege this is all you want and be married? Thus ringfencing savings for IVF but without having to feel like you need to explain yourselves and still moving forward? You could then have a lovely blessing in a couple of years with friends and family around you if you want to and do the whole big deal then when you might not care about telling people why you did what you did, because hopefully you'll have an IVF success story?

And try to think that you are moving forward, you are starting the IVF journey! Although I appreciate if you don't want to tell the world it must feel like you aren't and be quite frustrating.

On another note, you and your DP sound totally supportive of each other, really happy, on the same page completely as to what your priorities are, focused and in it together. You can't put a price on that and to hell with where others are. Others won't be facing your issues and if they were probably wouldn't weather the storm so well. So be totally proud of where you are.

As per pp, you could just have a small wedding if being married is important to you?

The questions are always asked at family socials about when’s the wedding when are we having any children.

People like to turn other people's life- changing events in a topic of conversation to fill the time at weddings, christenings and funerals. Even though it's absolutely none of their business and they aren't paying for it. Just ignore or give a non-committal answer that tells them nothing!

I would consider having a very low key register office wedding now, so you can prioritise your IVF and then plan for a more public event when you have the funds.